Now K is also frowning, in confusion. Viktor's reasons for not wanting to be bound to more people make sense — but making that comparison between a Familiar bond and what's shared with a romantic partner is where he's a bit lost. The brushing has stopped but he's still keeping one of his hands occupied with Viktor's hair, idly curling it around his fingers.
"I haven't ever felt strained by our bond, to be clear. But I'm not sure I understand the last part. Do you mean that without our bond, you would only consider me a short-term romantic partner? I don't consider our bond or our romantic relationship to be short-term... or at least I hope I can have them longer. For as long as you'll let me. For as long as you want me."
This conversation was becoming something that was lost in translation.
"No, just the opposite. Without our bond, I would consider you a committed lifelong partnership. Although without our bond, it would be more difficult for you to know what I am feeling, I think. You asked me to live with you. You haven't asked me to leave, and I don't want to leave on my own."
Living with each other is a bit more meaningful in a place like Zaun. Mostly because you were showing a lot of trust in a person to let them know where you would eat and sleep, Often sleeping around them.
Fortunately clear communication resolves it easily enough. The relief K feels eases his frowning expression back into a smile, and he lightly strokes the nape of Viktor's neck with his fingers as he says, "Then we feel the same way, Vitya. A lifelong commitment... You really want that with me?"
Sharing a bond hadn't been suggested lightly or rashly. K had given the decision the consideration warranted by a connection that could very well be lifelong, if both partners wished it to be. And he still feels it was the right choice. Though with or without their bond, he wants to be with Viktor. For as long as Viktor will have him.
This also raises several questions that he's never found clear answers to. Such as whether the experiences, memories, and bonds they create here in Folkmore can persist outside of it — for some residents who have left and returned, they claimed to retain no memory of Folkmore while outside of it, while others did. Experiences have always varied depending on the individual, but why? And what's the purpose of achieving their 'full potential' here if they might not even remember doing so afterward? (He's long suspected something similar to Viktor's conclusions, that they're brought here to be Lore batteries for Thirteen and help keep this world in existence.) More importantly:
"When you were in your home universe, did you still feel our bond?"
The gentle fingers against the nape of his neck feel like so much more and K would be able to feel that, when it came to a Familiar bond at least, even the softest touch had intensified. Viktor closed his eyes and shivered.
"I thought it would be a lifelong bond from the start. That was part of why I wanted it. Maybe it's a bit selfish to create a Familiar bond so I would never have to be alone again."
Selfish and dangerous for someone like Viktor, who was so thoroughly corrupted by Void magic. But K said that he understood the risks and accepted them. Though Viktor's neck would move and shift as though it were made of muscle and sinew it felt just like cold metal to the touch. He opened his eyes again, and though it did not show on his face, he couldn't help feeling a spike of shame.
"I couldn't feel my own conscience or realize what I was doing to the people in the commune. The bond is meant to be emotional. It would have been purposely muffled or removed altogether by the hex core, so I can not answer your question."
It makes a very grim kind of sense that Viktor wouldn't have been able to tell whether or not their bond was still intact there. From what K could surmise from the shared memories, that universe's Mel and Jayce had been unable to shield Viktor from the blast like they were, and then Jayce had given Viktor's body over to the hexcore to keep him alive...
"I don't want to be alone again either." K brushes their lips together in a gentle kiss, trying to ease that feeling of shame. "I'm hoping our bond is lifelong, no matter where we are," he says, explaining his reason for asking. "Do you know whether you retained your memories of this world?"
Though he's hoping for some evidence that what they share here was able to continue existing even when Viktor was ripped back to his universe of origin, it won't surprise him if the hexcore had robbed Viktor of that as well. If it's at all possible to separate Viktor from the hexcore without killing him... it feels imperative that they find a way.
Viktor was still hugging K but he sighed and leaned his forehead against K's too.
"I don't know if my memories were affected. But they must have been to some degree for me to not realize the effects of what I was doing."
At the very end, both Viktor and Jayce had been willing to die to remove the effects of the hex core on the rest of the world, so it may very well have been what killed Viktor to be without. More likely was that cutting off the hex core from being powered by the anomaly under the hex gates diminished its effects on Viktor's mind but he quite literally can't continue living without being fused with it. The hard part then becomes, knowing which part was Victor's and which part was the hex core's magic. Despite not having much in the way of facial expressions, Viktor was still very needy right now and reaching for the comfort of being as close to K as possible, both physically and emotionally.
"So for you, I might not exist outside of this place," K surmises, unable to hide the heavy feeling of unhappiness that accompanies the realisation. It's a very lonely fate to die alone and unmourned, forgotten by everyone he's ever known. He wishes he could change it. But what Viktor has told him and what he's learnt from others makes him worry he can't, and that ultimately his existence will have meant nothing.
It's far from the first existential crisis he's faced, and luckily he has the experience necessary to compartmentalise it in order to focus on the present. Focus on what Viktor needs from him. Because that, at least, he can do something about. His hand not stroking Viktor's neck slips around his narrow waist again, and he pulls Viktor in tighter against him.
He's heard the rumblings about multiversal travel from some residents. And he's aware of Viktor's own prior interest in the subject, and that's partly what prompts his question.
"Do you want to stay in this world?" The 'with me' is unspoken, but the sentiment can nonetheless be felt through their bond. "Do you think it may be possible to stay together even outside of it?"
Viktor kept his eyes closed, leaning against K and letting him hold Viktor upright.
"I just want to stay wherever you are."
Be it in the dimension that Folkmore was in or another one, Viktor cared less about that than needing to stay close to K. But it was possible to travel between dimensions, and it had been proven already to Viktor that he could do it. Well, he could do it eventually. The hard part was learning how he would do that as an old man. The other hard part was finding out how he was supposed to transport another person because Viktor did not want to leave K behind.
"If that means that I stay here in this Nexus world, then I want to do that. But maybe we can find a way to stay together and travel through the Multiverse too."
Feeling Viktor lean his full weight against him, K holds him securely in that effortless way his strength affords him. Maybe they could go to bed after all, if only to lie together for a while.
K also has experience with travelling between multiple dimensions and even dream realms, though perhaps not quite in the same way that Viktor eventually would. But just as he'd devoted himself to learning quantum physics in order to help a fellow advanced AI with her maintenance, he's sure intentional multiversal travel is only a matter of learning the specifics. With enough time and patience, nothing is out of reach.
Time... that's always been the problem, hasn't it? There's never enough. At any moment Thirteen could fling them back to where they came from, and there's no guarantee they'll be brought back to Folkmore. And for K, it would be as good as a death sentence. Unless maybe together they can change his fate and continue having a life together.
"We've both done it before, so at least we know it's possible on an individual basis. We need to figure out how to stay together." Whether they remain in this world or travel. "I'd like showing you where I'm from, if it didn't involve so much risk... Is there anywhere in particular you'd like to go with me?"
"Where I'm from isn't a nice place, so I wouldn't want to take you there. I'd much rather you and I find a new place. Or many new places. As long as we are together that's all that really matters."
The fact that K is an android was the only reason that Viktor actually got close like this. Ever since his body was changed into a mix of metal and magic there weren't many people that Viktor would let close enough to touch him. He sighed right now, and though he did open his eyes he continued looking at the ground instead of looking up at K.
"...I don't need to sleep very much anymore. But it probably would be easier to hold on to you if we curl up together in the bed."
And Viktor did mean just that. He wasn't kidding about hugging K being the first time that he did not feel overwhelmed since he'd been hit in the face by Ekko's z-drive.
Where K's from isn't what anyone would consider nice, either, but for some reason he has a desire to share it with Viktor all the same. Maybe it's a desire to include Viktor in his old life so that Viktor might better understand him, and maybe he also misses the familiarity of the place...
"Agreed on all counts. And let's go to bed then."
Cleaning up after Adele's meal can wait until later. He takes Viktor by the hand and leads him to the bedroom, where he decides to get dressed for bed in flannel sleep pants and a shirt. Even if they won't be sleeping, there's no reason why they shouldn't be comfortable. Turning to look at Viktor, he asks, "Would you like some clothes?"
"I have been wearing only a styled blanket for months. I was only really wearing it for the modesty of others."
After all, he didn't really have anything to cover anymore. He also didn't particularly feel cold but it probably wouldn't feel very nice for K to cuddle with cold metal.
"Yes, I think that I will wear clothes right now."
Viktor changed into a soft oversized shirt and flannel pajama pants. It was passing strange to see himself in proper clothes again, but he crawled into bed first curling up against the pillows. Then when K came close enough Viktor was pawing at him until he was able to wrap his arm over K's waist and lay his head against K's shoulder. Once they were settled Viktor let out a sigh of relief.
"I know that it's probably not as nice to cuddle with metal but thank you for this."
K also makes a contented sound once they get settled in together. Much better.
"I could say the same. I'm only warm to the touch because I'm consciously using my magic to heat my synthetic skin." Otherwise he would be quite ice-cold to the touch, as he normally is by default. "And I only have skin because humans preferred me this way."
And it shouldn't be difficult to guess why. Human preferences and their comfort were always paramount when it came to androids like him. While he's talking, one of his hands finds its way beneath the hem of Viktor's shirt and above the waistband of his pants, where he begins lightly tracing his fingers along Viktor's new skin. Through their bond, there's nothing but feelings of love and acceptance for good measure. He wants Viktor no matter how he looks or feels; Viktor's perceived flaws only exist within his own mind.
"I'm grateful to have you in any form," K says in a softer tone before falling quiet for a moment, in thought. Then: "How would you prefer to look?"
Viktor head moved a little bit against K's shoulder as he looked up at K.
"Really? So you were consciously making your skin warm to the touch for my sake?"
That makes Viktor think a little bit in silence, then;
"What other parts of yourself do you change to try to be more like a human?"
You could probably say that the only thing that is still coming from Viktor's side of the bond is the same bruised love that has been there from the moment he showed K what had happened with his magic. It might be smothering if K was not returning the feeling, although certainly with less emotional damage than Viktor was radiating. K's comment about being grateful to have Viktor in any form was not replied to but it's something that helped his heart feel a little bit warmer. Well. If he had a heart anyway. The sneaky hand that was coming into direct contact with the metal of his body did have purple light following the fingers.
"I don't know if I would want to look anyway in particular. I would like to still look human I think."
"I'm not trying to be like a human. I'd rather be exactly what I am." A monumental achievement represented by such a simple statement. It's taken him years to overcome the shame human society taught him to feel and reach this point of taking pride in his identity as an android. Viktor himself has contributed significantly to K being happy in his own synthetic skin. He may still have some insecurities to contend with, but even those don't feel so insurmountable these days.
"But I think it's more pleasant for you if I'm warm when you touch me," he explains, "and that's something I'd like to encourage more of. I chose to sleep when you used to for similar reasons."
He hadn't wanted Viktor to feel that helping him get restful sleep was in any way an inconvenience — because it wasn't — and K remaining awake while Viktor slept would have undoubtedly given him that impression. These have always been accommodations made of K's own accord.
"With all the magic here, there should be something to help you look the way you'd prefer to. I know glamours make it possible to achieve any kind of look, at least superficially." Speaking of 'looks'. He's smiling as he adds, "And I'd like seeing you in the clothes I picked out for you. I'd also like seeing you out of them."
Viktor may not be capable of much in the way of facial expression but there was a feeling of disgust in the bond briefly.
"No not glamour. That would just be a lie to cover up the truth. I meant to say that if this had never happened to me, I would still like to look human."
With K lying on his back with Viktor cuddled up to his side, K's fingers had found their way beneath the clothes on Viktor's back. It felt like K's touch had been magnified so those fingers were being very distracting at the moment.
"This would be the first time that I've actually tried wearing clothes for months. And to be honest I wanted letting me hold you to be as least uncomfortable for you as possible since I knew that cuddling with cold metal would probably be difficult."
Viktor has always had his own issues with the physical body but now it was a problem of practicality. He had thought that K would be warm to the touch and thus put off by cold metal. He certainly didn't seem to be though. In fact, he was trying to be flirtatious, but Viktor was just hurting too much to flirt back. Instead, he nuzzled into the crook of K's neck where it met his shoulder. His face alone had any level of body heat to it even though it was minimal.
"It still feels like your fingers are touching my soul directly. Like you are touching a part of me that no one else has. I want to know how to touch you like that too. Tell me what you like?"
The disgust is met with a feeling of sorrowful regret on K's end. He should've known better than to suggest it, even if all he wants is to help Viktor feel more comfortable. If it's possible. It may be something that only Viktor can figure out for himself... and K's wary of causing further upset, so for the time being he lets the matter rest.
"I appreciate the consideration, but I don't think you need to worry so much about my comfort," he replies. "Do what makes you most comfortable. Wear clothes if you want to, or don't. Either's okay. And remember that I'm not human." Things humans would find uncomfortable might not even affect him. It's meant to be reassuring, even if the state of Viktor's own humanity is a thorny topic.
"You can touch my soul without even touching me," he says with a small smile as he continues running his fingers along Viktor's changed skin. There's no particular intent behind his touch; simply touching for its own sake, without expectations. Hopefully it can do Viktor some good and help him acclimate to physical interaction.
The feeling was brief. But it's nice that being able to hold K was filtering out emotion unless it had to do with K. There was no need to feel sorrow or regret but Viktor was in no fit state to reassure K about it. Viktor was lying boneless against K's side, now, still nuzzled close to K's neck and taking respite where he could find it.
"It is not just about consideration. I want to know everything about you. You know how a human body would like to be touched. But my body is not like a human anymore."
For Example; Viktor's spine had golden rivets set in the same places that there would be vertebrae on a human body. Except for the area just below where his shoulder blades would be, he now had a permanent corset limned in gold. He had always been on the slender side but now instead of his waist tapering into his hips, his abdomen was smooth below the bellybutton. The joints for his hip bones however had a sort of bizarre ridge to them with the hinge for the joint itself separate from those outer ridges.
Where once he had a constellation of moles on his naked alabaster skin, he now had bits of gold running into long but uniform lines that were asymmetric on each side of his legs and arms. Even his touch would be a little bit different in that it was lit with magic that was coming into contact with whatever it was that he was touching. He hadn't touched anything that would also be able to feel that magic but it would feel like a very low-level tingle.
"You can't mark me with your teeth anymore but I might still be able to mark you. Would you like something like that?"
After considering the proposal for several moments, K ventures a cautious, "Maybe...? Would you like that?"
The uncertainty doesn't stem from disinterest so much as his mind being elsewhere, still perpetually circling back to those chilling words: what if I am not that man anymore? What if I am not Viktor? K's worried about him, not about acting out fantasies that he suspects have more to do with unmet emotional needs than physical desire, anyway.
"But you also don't need to worry about those silly fantasies. Just having you here is enough."
Viktor still had that fear, but the fact that he had enough self-awareness that could actually be afraid of something like that did say a lot about how factual that fear really was. Without it being fueled by the anomaly under the Hex Gates, the Hex Core did not have the kind of control over Viktor's mind that it did. Being able to touch his bonded Familiar was helping him cope with that fear if only because that fear seemed to lose strength the longer that he was able to touch K.
"Would I want to mark you as my own, you mean?"
There was a little rill of excitement in the bond. But as with every emotion that did not have to do with K personally, it was short-lived.
"Only if you want me to. I will admit that it would be nice though."
Short lived though it is, the feeling of excitement certainly catches K's attention and draws a smile from him. It seems it's something they could both enjoy, then. And it's rather nice, hearing Viktor refer to him as being his own...
"I don't bruise easily, you might have to get creative." He assumes that would be preferable to outright injuring him in order to leave a mark, and since Viktor's made it clear he won't use his magic on him, K won't suggest it. It also has him considering ways he could still mark Viktor without actually hurting him (and K allows himself a moment or two of missing Viktor's prior body), and he recalls, "I did give you a ring, before..."
Before Viktor vanished back to his home universe. With how long it's been for him, K figures a reminder about the gift wouldn't go amiss. He's been thinking on the other things Viktor said, too.
"How would you like to be touched now?" he wonders. Does Viktor even know, himself? K thought their earlier exploration had gone very well when it was happening, as well as what they're currently doing, but it couldn't to ask while they both have clearer heads.
Truthfully Viktor had not remembered the ring until K said something about it. After he was reminded he intended to wear the ring at all times now. If nothing else it would be a consistent reminder of his own humanity.
"I did like that ring. It might be a good idea if you made a second one for you to wear too. That would neatly solve the problem of leaving a mark on each other's skin."
Despite having a metal body Viktor did still have a sense of touch. It was muted though and there was a sensory deprivation between what touched him in the outside world and what he felt.
"But I don't know how I would like to be touched now. There aren't very many people that I would want to touch or be touched by in the first place."
Viktor wants him to get a matching ring for himself... there's no hiding how much the thought thrills him. He's careful not to read too much into the suggestion, knowing marriage likely means different things to them; notably, he doesn't think polyamory would be compatible with the kind of relationship he'd prefer to share with a spouse. But matching rings would still be a very meaningful gesture, symbolic of the bond they share and belonging to each other in that way.
"I'd like that." As though it wasn't already obvious. "And we can figure it out together. I think touching you has gone well so far?" To emphasise his question, his fingers dip just below the waistband of Viktor's pants to trace over his altered hip.
Marriage does mean something different to Viktor, namely that only people in Piltover do that and a lot of times the richest people would only do it as a kind of political alliance. In Zaun, things were a lot more informal and people would only live together instead of getting married. It was more common that people would only cohabitate with one other person but at times it would be a very tight-knit group of people that would decide to live with each other.
The idea behind Polyamory is that everyone in the group cares about each other which is why it didn't bother Viktor that Jayce loved so many people. Viktor only cared that there be a place in Jayce's heart for Viktor, and it didn't matter to him who else was there too. But K has learned that it is neither easy nor fast to get to a point where Viktor does care about you, and even more difficult to get to the point where Viktor does love someone, whether they love other people too or it's just one person. To put it bluntly, without Jayce the possibility of Polyamory was most likely off the table.
But for some reason, the idea of matching rings made K very happy. Viktor didn't quite understand why that would be the case but it was nice to please K? This was also about the same time that K's sneaky fingers brushed gently over Viktor's altered hip. Now that he certainly felt and couldn't help an indrawn breath and a shiver.
"You keep finding new ways to touch me. It really doesn't seem fair that you haven't taught me how you like to be touched too."
The only thing better might be Viktor giving him the ring himself, but either way, K's genuinely happy he wants them to have matching rings in the first place. Though perhaps he's attributing more significance to the suggestion than Viktor intended it to have, if he's confused about how such a meaningful (in K's mind) gesture could bring K happiness.
His curious exploration has already paid off judging by Viktor's reaction, and that also incites a little thrill of excitement in K that can be felt through their bond. He'd been entirely serious when he said that what he likes is the way Viktor touches him... and now he has to think on his reply, because he isn't sure he can offer a better answer than that.
"I guess I'm not sure how I like to be touched, either. It hasn't come up before. Not before you asked." Or at least no one to his knowledge has expressed interest in learning his specific preferences the way Viktor has. Maybe people incorrectly assume human biology or physiology can apply to him and that there's no reason to ask, or maybe they haven't wanted to overstep perceived boundaries, or in one case he doesn't want to think too hard about, maybe they hadn't minded one-sided intimacy. There could be any number of reasons.
"But maybe we could figure that out together, too."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"I haven't ever felt strained by our bond, to be clear. But I'm not sure I understand the last part. Do you mean that without our bond, you would only consider me a short-term romantic partner? I don't consider our bond or our romantic relationship to be short-term... or at least I hope I can have them longer. For as long as you'll let me. For as long as you want me."
no subject
"No, just the opposite. Without our bond, I would consider you a committed lifelong partnership. Although without our bond, it would be more difficult for you to know what I am feeling, I think. You asked me to live with you. You haven't asked me to leave, and I don't want to leave on my own."
Living with each other is a bit more meaningful in a place like Zaun. Mostly because you were showing a lot of trust in a person to let them know where you would eat and sleep, Often sleeping around them.
no subject
Sharing a bond hadn't been suggested lightly or rashly. K had given the decision the consideration warranted by a connection that could very well be lifelong, if both partners wished it to be. And he still feels it was the right choice. Though with or without their bond, he wants to be with Viktor. For as long as Viktor will have him.
This also raises several questions that he's never found clear answers to. Such as whether the experiences, memories, and bonds they create here in Folkmore can persist outside of it — for some residents who have left and returned, they claimed to retain no memory of Folkmore while outside of it, while others did. Experiences have always varied depending on the individual, but why? And what's the purpose of achieving their 'full potential' here if they might not even remember doing so afterward? (He's long suspected something similar to Viktor's conclusions, that they're brought here to be Lore batteries for Thirteen and help keep this world in existence.) More importantly:
"When you were in your home universe, did you still feel our bond?"
no subject
"I thought it would be a lifelong bond from the start. That was part of why I wanted it. Maybe it's a bit selfish to create a Familiar bond so I would never have to be alone again."
Selfish and dangerous for someone like Viktor, who was so thoroughly corrupted by Void magic. But K said that he understood the risks and accepted them. Though Viktor's neck would move and shift as though it were made of muscle and sinew it felt just like cold metal to the touch. He opened his eyes again, and though it did not show on his face, he couldn't help feeling a spike of shame.
"I couldn't feel my own conscience or realize what I was doing to the people in the commune. The bond is meant to be emotional. It would have been purposely muffled or removed altogether by the hex core, so I can not answer your question."
no subject
"I don't want to be alone again either." K brushes their lips together in a gentle kiss, trying to ease that feeling of shame. "I'm hoping our bond is lifelong, no matter where we are," he says, explaining his reason for asking. "Do you know whether you retained your memories of this world?"
Though he's hoping for some evidence that what they share here was able to continue existing even when Viktor was ripped back to his universe of origin, it won't surprise him if the hexcore had robbed Viktor of that as well. If it's at all possible to separate Viktor from the hexcore without killing him... it feels imperative that they find a way.
no subject
"I don't know if my memories were affected. But they must have been to some degree for me to not realize the effects of what I was doing."
At the very end, both Viktor and Jayce had been willing to die to remove the effects of the hex core on the rest of the world, so it may very well have been what killed Viktor to be without. More likely was that cutting off the hex core from being powered by the anomaly under the hex gates diminished its effects on Viktor's mind but he quite literally can't continue living without being fused with it. The hard part then becomes, knowing which part was Victor's and which part was the hex core's magic. Despite not having much in the way of facial expressions, Viktor was still very needy right now and reaching for the comfort of being as close to K as possible, both physically and emotionally.
no subject
It's far from the first existential crisis he's faced, and luckily he has the experience necessary to compartmentalise it in order to focus on the present. Focus on what Viktor needs from him. Because that, at least, he can do something about. His hand not stroking Viktor's neck slips around his narrow waist again, and he pulls Viktor in tighter against him.
He's heard the rumblings about multiversal travel from some residents. And he's aware of Viktor's own prior interest in the subject, and that's partly what prompts his question.
"Do you want to stay in this world?" The 'with me' is unspoken, but the sentiment can nonetheless be felt through their bond. "Do you think it may be possible to stay together even outside of it?"
no subject
"I just want to stay wherever you are."
Be it in the dimension that Folkmore was in or another one, Viktor cared less about that than needing to stay close to K. But it was possible to travel between dimensions, and it had been proven already to Viktor that he could do it. Well, he could do it eventually. The hard part was learning how he would do that as an old man. The other hard part was finding out how he was supposed to transport another person because Viktor did not want to leave K behind.
"If that means that I stay here in this Nexus world, then I want to do that. But maybe we can find a way to stay together and travel through the Multiverse too."
no subject
K also has experience with travelling between multiple dimensions and even dream realms, though perhaps not quite in the same way that Viktor eventually would. But just as he'd devoted himself to learning quantum physics in order to help a fellow advanced AI with her maintenance, he's sure intentional multiversal travel is only a matter of learning the specifics. With enough time and patience, nothing is out of reach.
Time... that's always been the problem, hasn't it? There's never enough. At any moment Thirteen could fling them back to where they came from, and there's no guarantee they'll be brought back to Folkmore. And for K, it would be as good as a death sentence. Unless maybe together they can change his fate and continue having a life together.
"We've both done it before, so at least we know it's possible on an individual basis. We need to figure out how to stay together." Whether they remain in this world or travel. "I'd like showing you where I'm from, if it didn't involve so much risk... Is there anywhere in particular you'd like to go with me?"
no subject
The fact that K is an android was the only reason that Viktor actually got close like this. Ever since his body was changed into a mix of metal and magic there weren't many people that Viktor would let close enough to touch him. He sighed right now, and though he did open his eyes he continued looking at the ground instead of looking up at K.
"...I don't need to sleep very much anymore. But it probably would be easier to hold on to you if we curl up together in the bed."
And Viktor did mean just that. He wasn't kidding about hugging K being the first time that he did not feel overwhelmed since he'd been hit in the face by Ekko's z-drive.
no subject
"Agreed on all counts. And let's go to bed then."
Cleaning up after Adele's meal can wait until later. He takes Viktor by the hand and leads him to the bedroom, where he decides to get dressed for bed in flannel sleep pants and a shirt. Even if they won't be sleeping, there's no reason why they shouldn't be comfortable. Turning to look at Viktor, he asks, "Would you like some clothes?"
no subject
After all, he didn't really have anything to cover anymore. He also didn't particularly feel cold but it probably wouldn't feel very nice for K to cuddle with cold metal.
"Yes, I think that I will wear clothes right now."
Viktor changed into a soft oversized shirt and flannel pajama pants. It was passing strange to see himself in proper clothes again, but he crawled into bed first curling up against the pillows. Then when K came close enough Viktor was pawing at him until he was able to wrap his arm over K's waist and lay his head against K's shoulder. Once they were settled Viktor let out a sigh of relief.
"I know that it's probably not as nice to cuddle with metal but thank you for this."
no subject
"I could say the same. I'm only warm to the touch because I'm consciously using my magic to heat my synthetic skin." Otherwise he would be quite ice-cold to the touch, as he normally is by default. "And I only have skin because humans preferred me this way."
And it shouldn't be difficult to guess why. Human preferences and their comfort were always paramount when it came to androids like him. While he's talking, one of his hands finds its way beneath the hem of Viktor's shirt and above the waistband of his pants, where he begins lightly tracing his fingers along Viktor's new skin. Through their bond, there's nothing but feelings of love and acceptance for good measure. He wants Viktor no matter how he looks or feels; Viktor's perceived flaws only exist within his own mind.
"I'm grateful to have you in any form," K says in a softer tone before falling quiet for a moment, in thought. Then: "How would you prefer to look?"
no subject
"Really? So you were consciously making your skin warm to the touch for my sake?"
That makes Viktor think a little bit in silence, then;
"What other parts of yourself do you change to try to be more like a human?"
You could probably say that the only thing that is still coming from Viktor's side of the bond is the same bruised love that has been there from the moment he showed K what had happened with his magic. It might be smothering if K was not returning the feeling, although certainly with less emotional damage than Viktor was radiating. K's comment about being grateful to have Viktor in any form was not replied to but it's something that helped his heart feel a little bit warmer. Well. If he had a heart anyway. The sneaky hand that was coming into direct contact with the metal of his body did have purple light following the fingers.
"I don't know if I would want to look anyway in particular. I would like to still look human I think."
no subject
"But I think it's more pleasant for you if I'm warm when you touch me," he explains, "and that's something I'd like to encourage more of. I chose to sleep when you used to for similar reasons."
He hadn't wanted Viktor to feel that helping him get restful sleep was in any way an inconvenience — because it wasn't — and K remaining awake while Viktor slept would have undoubtedly given him that impression. These have always been accommodations made of K's own accord.
"With all the magic here, there should be something to help you look the way you'd prefer to. I know glamours make it possible to achieve any kind of look, at least superficially." Speaking of 'looks'. He's smiling as he adds, "And I'd like seeing you in the clothes I picked out for you. I'd also like seeing you out of them."
no subject
"No not glamour. That would just be a lie to cover up the truth. I meant to say that if this had never happened to me, I would still like to look human."
With K lying on his back with Viktor cuddled up to his side, K's fingers had found their way beneath the clothes on Viktor's back. It felt like K's touch had been magnified so those fingers were being very distracting at the moment.
"This would be the first time that I've actually tried wearing clothes for months. And to be honest I wanted letting me hold you to be as least uncomfortable for you as possible since I knew that cuddling with cold metal would probably be difficult."
Viktor has always had his own issues with the physical body but now it was a problem of practicality. He had thought that K would be warm to the touch and thus put off by cold metal. He certainly didn't seem to be though. In fact, he was trying to be flirtatious, but Viktor was just hurting too much to flirt back. Instead, he nuzzled into the crook of K's neck where it met his shoulder. His face alone had any level of body heat to it even though it was minimal.
"It still feels like your fingers are touching my soul directly. Like you are touching a part of me that no one else has. I want to know how to touch you like that too. Tell me what you like?"
no subject
"I appreciate the consideration, but I don't think you need to worry so much about my comfort," he replies. "Do what makes you most comfortable. Wear clothes if you want to, or don't. Either's okay. And remember that I'm not human." Things humans would find uncomfortable might not even affect him. It's meant to be reassuring, even if the state of Viktor's own humanity is a thorny topic.
"You can touch my soul without even touching me," he says with a small smile as he continues running his fingers along Viktor's changed skin. There's no particular intent behind his touch; simply touching for its own sake, without expectations. Hopefully it can do Viktor some good and help him acclimate to physical interaction.
no subject
"It is not just about consideration. I want to know everything about you. You know how a human body would like to be touched. But my body is not like a human anymore."
For Example; Viktor's spine had golden rivets set in the same places that there would be vertebrae on a human body. Except for the area just below where his shoulder blades would be, he now had a permanent corset limned in gold. He had always been on the slender side but now instead of his waist tapering into his hips, his abdomen was smooth below the bellybutton. The joints for his hip bones however had a sort of bizarre ridge to them with the hinge for the joint itself separate from those outer ridges.
Where once he had a constellation of moles on his naked alabaster skin, he now had bits of gold running into long but uniform lines that were asymmetric on each side of his legs and arms. Even his touch would be a little bit different in that it was lit with magic that was coming into contact with whatever it was that he was touching. He hadn't touched anything that would also be able to feel that magic but it would feel like a very low-level tingle.
"You can't mark me with your teeth anymore but I might still be able to mark you. Would you like something like that?"
no subject
The uncertainty doesn't stem from disinterest so much as his mind being elsewhere, still perpetually circling back to those chilling words: what if I am not that man anymore? What if I am not Viktor? K's worried about him, not about acting out fantasies that he suspects have more to do with unmet emotional needs than physical desire, anyway.
"But you also don't need to worry about those silly fantasies. Just having you here is enough."
no subject
"Would I want to mark you as my own, you mean?"
There was a little rill of excitement in the bond. But as with every emotion that did not have to do with K personally, it was short-lived.
"Only if you want me to. I will admit that it would be nice though."
no subject
"I don't bruise easily, you might have to get creative." He assumes that would be preferable to outright injuring him in order to leave a mark, and since Viktor's made it clear he won't use his magic on him, K won't suggest it. It also has him considering ways he could still mark Viktor without actually hurting him (and K allows himself a moment or two of missing Viktor's prior body), and he recalls, "I did give you a ring, before..."
Before Viktor vanished back to his home universe. With how long it's been for him, K figures a reminder about the gift wouldn't go amiss. He's been thinking on the other things Viktor said, too.
"How would you like to be touched now?" he wonders. Does Viktor even know, himself? K thought their earlier exploration had gone very well when it was happening, as well as what they're currently doing, but it couldn't to ask while they both have clearer heads.
no subject
"I did like that ring. It might be a good idea if you made a second one for you to wear too. That would neatly solve the problem of leaving a mark on each other's skin."
Despite having a metal body Viktor did still have a sense of touch. It was muted though and there was a sensory deprivation between what touched him in the outside world and what he felt.
"But I don't know how I would like to be touched now. There aren't very many people that I would want to touch or be touched by in the first place."
no subject
"I'd like that." As though it wasn't already obvious. "And we can figure it out together. I think touching you has gone well so far?" To emphasise his question, his fingers dip just below the waistband of Viktor's pants to trace over his altered hip.
no subject
The idea behind Polyamory is that everyone in the group cares about each other which is why it didn't bother Viktor that Jayce loved so many people. Viktor only cared that there be a place in Jayce's heart for Viktor, and it didn't matter to him who else was there too. But K has learned that it is neither easy nor fast to get to a point where Viktor does care about you, and even more difficult to get to the point where Viktor does love someone, whether they love other people too or it's just one person. To put it bluntly, without Jayce the possibility of Polyamory was most likely off the table.
But for some reason, the idea of matching rings made K very happy. Viktor didn't quite understand why that would be the case but it was nice to please K? This was also about the same time that K's sneaky fingers brushed gently over Viktor's altered hip. Now that he certainly felt and couldn't help an indrawn breath and a shiver.
"You keep finding new ways to touch me. It really doesn't seem fair that you haven't taught me how you like to be touched too."
no subject
His curious exploration has already paid off judging by Viktor's reaction, and that also incites a little thrill of excitement in K that can be felt through their bond. He'd been entirely serious when he said that what he likes is the way Viktor touches him... and now he has to think on his reply, because he isn't sure he can offer a better answer than that.
"I guess I'm not sure how I like to be touched, either. It hasn't come up before. Not before you asked." Or at least no one to his knowledge has expressed interest in learning his specific preferences the way Viktor has. Maybe people incorrectly assume human biology or physiology can apply to him and that there's no reason to ask, or maybe they haven't wanted to overstep perceived boundaries, or in one case he doesn't want to think too hard about, maybe they hadn't minded one-sided intimacy. There could be any number of reasons.
"But maybe we could figure that out together, too."
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)