The emotions he can feel from Viktor put a damper on his own and they become muted with uncertainty, and he watches with growing confusion and a numbed sense of wonder as he's helped out of the muck with seemingly no effort. With magic, wielded as though using it is second-nature. Then Viktor is transforming before his eyes into a more familiar form, at least from the neck up, but still isn't exactly... himself. K's at a loss for words, staring at him in silence for a long moment.
"I didn't think I'd get to see you again," he manages once he finds his voice, summarising what had been a week of hell for him. It obviously doesn't begin to compare to what Viktor has gone through, he can tell that much. How much of Viktor is even still there, he wonders as his heart sinks. The Void.
When he had been responsible for one person's death, Viktor had sobbed and contemplated suicide. Now he didn't actually know if there was a way for him to commit suicide. Viktor's eyes were iridescent like this but at K's question they filled with tears, the first one breaking free to sprint down Viktor's cheek.
"I don't know."
Without the effect of gravity and nothing else providing any motion, K was only an inch or two away from his feet touching the ground. Viktor raised one of his hands as though he were going to reach out and touch K, but the touch didn't connect, and Viktor's hand hovered between them.
"... I can't do it. I can't dissolve a Familiar bond. I know that I should, that it wouldn't be safe for you to be bound to me. That I have been responsible for so many awful things. That I don't deserve a Familiar bond. But I can't make myself do it."
The silent tears were flowing in earnest now.
"I am sorry that I'm too weak because it means that you will have to."
Faced with the choice of either perpetually sinking into the enchanted swamp or hovering over it, K prefers the latter and doesn't try to get free of the magic yet. The only movement he does make is to meet Viktor halfway, reaching to take his outstretched hand.
"There's always been risks, and I accept them. Let me help you."
It seems apparent that Viktor could benefit from having their bond now more than ever. Using their joined hands as leverage, he pulls himself closer to Viktor and with his free hand begins reaching toward Viktor's face. But he pauses, withdrawing his hand to wipe off as much of the swamp-muck as possible on his coat, uses some of his own magic to warm his chilled skin, and only after that does he cup Viktor's cheek in his hand, gently thumbing away tears as his uncertainty gives way to warm sensations of comfort and love gradually filling their bond. Regardless of what Viktor feels he does or doesn't deserve, K's love isn't conditional.
"Don't discard me," he says in a small voice. Like a broken machine that's served its purpose and is no longer useful. It's a dreadful thought. He takes some comfort in the knowledge that bonds can't be forced; their bond only persists because they both still want it.
"Will you tell me about where you've been? You disappeared last week." Viktor's hair is given a curious glance. "It looks like it's been much longer for you."
Blame it on a surge of emotion where there had been little to none that now made him close his eyes and cling to the hand that K had first extended toward him. There was still so much guilt in the emotions that he was radiating, but mixed in with that was also a shining thread of the joyous, free feeling that being with K gave him. Fresh tears had stopped welling up in his eyes, at least. After a moment of clinging to K's hand, he spoke very quietly.
"I'm an awful person and I can't make myself stop wanting to be close to you."
Taking the hand that was cupped gently against his face, Viktor held both against his chest, head tilting just enough to rest his forehead against K's. It's a Zaunite way to show affection for another person, but there is no way that K would know that.
"But I think it's been almost a year since I was in Folkmore. And as far as telling you what happened, I can show you instead."
Parts of his fingers lit up and traced toward K's hands. Only because K is a machine does Viktor try using his magic on him because he would not be infecting an organic human.
This particular Zaun custom is universal enough for K to understand the meaning and he smiles at the gesture, gently squeezing Viktor's hands, relieved that he doesn't keep trying to push him away. But they're going to have to talk about whatever it is that has Viktor convinced he's a bad person. Before he can ask what Viktor means, he feels a telltale sensation not unlike what he experiences when interfacing with other technology, except — it's Viktor.
A unique connection both technological and magical is established, offering Viktor a firsthand glimpse into the vast intricacies of K's programming and all of the coding that makes him who he is. Readily available at a surface level are his manufacturer's serial numbers, model serial number, incept date, and other such indicators that he's a product of the Wallace Corporation.
K's eyes flutter when the connection is initially made, then he looks to Viktor in surprise. "That's new." And something that he'd like to explore more — later. When he next 'speaks' it's through their connection: I'm ready.
Viktor reaches up to gently clasp both sides of K's temples and instead of using his fingers, the custom of gently touching foreheads in order to show affection carries over. But the information exchanged is computational like a data packet. It's everything that Viktor had seen and felt over the course of the last year compressed into a type of code that had more to do with the runic script than something like binary. Starting with his first death of many during the rocket attack on the council room.
The growing distance between Jayce and Viktor came to a breaking point when first Jayce used the hex core on Viktor. Then within a few minutes of realizing what had happened, he was going to pick up Sky's notebook and saw that Jayce was designing a rifle for use with hex tech. Viktor had been devastated and had never been very good with emotions. So what did he do when the one person he had cared about and trusted most broke his promise? Viktor shut down. It was then that the idea that human emotion was a danger first occurred to him.
After Viktor left, his first impulse had been to use the magic he now could to find a way to help those at rock bottom after a life of being so badly mistreated, abused, and forced out to the very fringes of the city. His vision had been idyllic. From clean water to enough food for everyone, and an end to sickness. But the fatal flaw in that was the loss of differences of thought or personality, of 'imperfections'. Eventually, they became both a commune and a hive mind. One that showed the truth of what it was when Jayce was the one to kill Viktor for the second time.
Only then did things start to show themselves as being as dark and lonely as Viktor's soul had become. While he was still being influenced by the hex core he came to the decision that human emotion was the true problem. After he tried to partner with Jayce again and was forced out of the council room by the combined energies of Jayce and Mel, Viktor felt stunned that they would both go against him like that. Stunned and heartbroken. It was then that he decided to give up his humanity. Which explained why he had looked the way that he had at first since that was the way that he had last looked in the 'real' world.
But at the very end when he was literally a hair's breadth away from sterilizing the entire world, a boy that he had not met before, but one who obviously knew him, through a device at him that defied every law of physics that he knew. Defied and when the device made impact, did the impossible and actually penetrated the Herald enough that it could turn back the clock on the humanity that Viktor had given up.
In the very end on the astral plane when Jayce hugged him and Viktor could see into his memories enough to see the old mage who had first inspired Jayce all those years ago was actually another version, an older version, of Viktor. The older version claimed that he wanted to bring an end to the world's suffering and was going to do it with science. But when every equation was solved, there was nothing but fields of dreamless solitude, which meant that this version of Viktor was functionally immortal but was also alone forever because he was being used by the arcane itself. Human emotion is necessary because it informs our conscience. And without emotion? There was no conscience at all. Now that he understood what had been happening to him, Viktor was completely horrified.
Horrified enough that he was willing to do the one thing that he was afraid of most; dying alone with no one to remember him. But Jayce didn't let him do that by himself. At first, Viktor did not understand. He still doesn't entirely understand, not really. But he understood that it was something that Jayce had to do for himself as much as for Viktor and so Viktor expected to die alongside Jayce in order that they could use sympathetic magic to close the anomaly under the Hex Gates.
But all those people. When I evolved them they never came back. They were just soulless husks. That is why I am a terrible person.
Now Viktor was certain beyond doubt that K would despise him.
A year and several multiverses worth of knowledge is shared and processed faster than the speed of thought. It's going to take K much longer to process everything in the metaphorical sense, particularly the emotional resonance, but one thing is immediately obvious to him.
Though he witnesses events from Viktor's limited point of view, he has the benefit of being able to parse everything from an outsider's perspective. An outsider who happens to know Viktor and his way of thinking very well, or he'd like to think he does, at least.
"'You were being manipulated the whole time... The hexcore was using you."
Is still using him? Is it the only thing keeping him alive now? The questions are clear in K's expression as he looks at Viktor and his altered form. Jayce had made that choice for him against his explicitly stated wishes, betrayed him to save him... and K can't help wondering what he would have done if faced with the same circumstances. It's painful to even think about, but he can also understand why Jayce chose what he did, where Viktor is concerned. Continuing to weaponise hextech after promising not to is another matter, one that he isn't sure he'll ever know the full story on. He wishes Jayce was still here.
Contrary to what Viktor is expecting from him, K simply leans back in until their foreheads are touching again and then gathers Viktor into his arms, holding him tight. He knows it's more complicated than blaming Viktor's choices and actions entirely on the hexcore's influence. He knows some of Viktor's guilt may be warranted and that he'll have to live with the weight of that for the rest of his days. He knows, because they're not so different. Only the government-sanctioned executions of K's own kind that he'd been ordered to carry out never held the guise of truly helping anyone, not in the same way that Viktor had originally tried to aid and uplift those in dire need.
"I'm so sorry for what was done to you," he murmurs. "And all of those people." K's feelings toward humanity may be complicated and rarely positive, but Viktor's pain matters more to him than his own. And it doesn't take having an empathic bond to tell how much Viktor is hurting right now. K fully intends to keep the promise they both made — as long as they have each other, neither of them has to be alone again. He wants to be with Viktor. That hasn't changed.
At first, Viktor's mind refuses to accept K's words because he had altered people's minds without their consent. Forced them into becoming his own personal puppet army. But Viktor had already said that he was weak and right now he felt as vulnerable as a raw nerve. Where there had once been no emotion and a steady numb feeling so that nothing seemed to change the destined 'glorious evolution', now there were all emotions with the pain of guilt at the uppermost. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut even as more silent tears leaked from them, Viktor curled his arms against his chest and hid his face in K's.
As much as he didn't think he deserved it, Viktor couldn't help feeling pathetically grateful that K had not pushed him away in disgust. After all he had done and been through, he did not know how he would have coped with that because he couldn't think of a way that he could possibly kill himself. Realistically speaking that would have broken his mind entirely and he would probably spend the rest of his days in a catatonic state.
"It would be easy to blame it all on the hexcore. But there is always a choice that goes with any use of magic."
K's intimately familiar with what it is to be a slave and to be denied autonomy, and even what it is to possess it and then have it brutally stripped away again. He doesn't have to imagine the horror of it because he's lived it, and he's one factory reset away from it becoming his reality once more. In light of that maybe he should feel wary of Viktor and what he's proven to be capable of, but he doesn't. He isn't afraid of Viktor, but he is afraid for him...
Is the hexcore still exerting its influence even now? How much of Viktor's mind and will are truly his own?
"Your good intentions were insidiously weaponised." Not unlike what happened with hextech, he thinks. Though he doesn't disagree with what Viktor said. "It would be different if you'd set out to subjugate people from the beginning. I could feel what you felt," he says quietly as he leans his head against Viktor's, wishing he could do more for him. "I know you wanted to help them."
"Intentional or not, I don't expect anyone to forgive any of what I did."
That is an open question. How much is the hex core affecting him? It is what has been keeping him alive all this time, and even if it's possible for him to live in Folkmore without it, it's not possible to separate it from Viktor at this point. Even before he ever came to Folkmore he was experimenting with it added to his blood and body.
For a few minutes, they stay that way Viktor just leaning his forehead against K's while keeping his eyes closed. He didn't realize it but being in physical contact with his bonded Familiar was soothing. But after a few minutes, he did seem to realize where they were. They both had cold swamp muck on their feet plus K's coat and the hem of Viktor's robe.
"Is it...is it all right if I go back to your apartment with you? We're both covered in mud and need to wash that out of your coat before it sets."
Viktor wasn't in any position to lay claim to anything, much less where K lives.
Your apartment. Not 'our'. Combined with Viktor wishing he were strong enough to end their bond, the initial shock of it feels like ice water being thrown in his face. It's hard to quell the feeling of rejection it causes even with Viktor in his arms like this. He came back to Folkmore, but maybe he hasn't come back to K.
"Of course it's all right. You live there too." Finally releasing Viktor, K turns away for a moment under the pretense of taking in their surroundings to orient himself, and uses that opportunity to discreetly swipe at his stinging eyes and compose himself. "If you still want to," he adds before reaching for Viktor's hand again, so they can start making their way out of the swamp.
"I don't deserve to have any kind of home. I shouldn't say it's my place too."
Viktor still thought he didn't deserve K either but he was still holding on to K's hand in one of his and the second hand clinging to K's wrist. Knowing where they are going, Viktor's magic still keeps K weightless and is creating shimmering places everywhere that Viktor's feet touch the ground because otherwise, he would sink into Exile's muddy swamp too. Small and unassuming Adele was waiting until they had started to leave. But she is aware of Viktor's distress though she was hoping that by staying back and letting K talk to Viktor first, it would help. Now she flies down from the branch she was sitting on to land on Viktor's shoulder. She cuddles up close to his neck and rubs her tiny cheek against his like a cat in an effort to comfort him.
His magic remains until they get to Epiphany. K is able to walk now if he wants to, but Viktor is still clinging to his hand and wrist. Even once they were inside the apartment, Viktor was still clinging. Even when K takes his coat off Viktor is standing right there while he does it and then once again clinging to one of his hands. He follows after wherever it is that K leads.
"It hurts that you feel that way. Like you don't want to share a home with me anymore."
Even if he can understand the reasoning. They have a long journey ahead of them to undo the damage of the last year for Viktor, K can already tell. If it even can be undone.
He sheds the dirtiest of his clothes near the door to be seen to later — boots, socks, coat, and after a few moments' consideration, his pants as well, since they're caked in mud up to thigh level due to how much he'd struggled in the swamp. Less to clean up later if he's not tracking mud through the whole apartment. He lets Viktor cling; it makes it easier to take care of him. He also pets Adele, grateful for her presence. Hopefully she can help Viktor, too.
Leading him to one of the bathrooms, K starts a shower running before he gets a closer look at Viktor's attire. Viktor's own memories will serve as his guide for helping him remove the makeshift robe without damaging anything. But after reaching to start undoing the bindings around Viktor's waist, he pauses.
"Would you like me to help you?" he asks. "I'll use the other bathroom if you prefer privacy." With the drastic changes to Viktor's body, K isn't assuming he's going to be comfortable with all of the same things as before. Best to ask first. Everything feels uncertain and strange right now and it makes him nervous. Is Viktor intending to move out as well?
Viktor has a little bit of a frown, but there is still a disconnect between what emotions he feels plus how strongly he feels them, and what shows on his face.
"No please stay. I don't want you to feel hurt, so for your sake, I will say that I live here too."
His robe is actually a blanket that K will have seen in his memories as the same blanket that Jayce had laid across Viktor's shoulders. Viktor hadn't thought he would ever see Jayce again so he kept the blanket as the last reminder he had of Jayce. It had been styled along with the straps at his waist by Huck in the commune.
All of his body had become that mix of metal and magic. One very noticeable difference in how his body looks is the bizarre ridges on his hips and a noticeable lack of any genitalia whatsoever. What had been a hard corset to create an artificial spine for him had become a permanent part of his body, and now, it looked like he had a permanent corset tipped in gold. The only part of his body that was actually warm to the touch was his face. The rest of his body was a cold type of metal. It meant that the mud on his bare feet was just as cold as the metal it was stuck to.
Adele had her tail curled around the back of Viktor's neck, though she didn't need it to hold on, she was staying cuddled up against his neck even as K led him into the shower. Adele actually liked swimming and otherwise being in the water, so she wouldn't mind taking a shower too.
With a nod of acknowledgement K helps undress him, making sure that neither his eyes nor his hands linger on any one area for too long lest it make Viktor uncomfortable. Having experienced Viktor's memories of everything lessens the shock of seeing his altered body now in person, though he is curious how it functions compared to before. Adele seems to be staying for bathtime, so he lets her be and gestures for Viktor to step into the shower first, then he sheds his remaining clothing and joins them.
The shower is spacious enough that not even two people and a diminutive dragon in it at the same time makes it feel crowded. The hot water does most of the work of rinsing away whatever swamp muck is left on them, but K still opts to lather up with soap and thoroughly scrub himself clean, wishing his worries could be washed away as easily as the mud.
It's automatic, the way he turns with the intention of washing Viktor's back for him, but before his hands can make contact he pauses to ask, "Is it okay if I touch you?"
Viktor had taken a few minutes to use soap and water on his legs and feet so he wouldn't keep tracking mud around the apartment. But since his body was mostly made of metal there wasn't a need to use soap and water on all of it. Viktor still did though. Call it a holdover from being human.
Adele glided down to the floor and spread her wings in the shower spray like a bird, flapped them a bit, then held them up again as she got both of her sides under her wings wet. She shook water off of her head like a dog would and when Viktor's hair was rinsed he flew back up to sit on his shoulder, but this time facing K.
"Yes, it's all right if you touch me."
When K's hands make contact with Viktor's bare back, there's a sharp intake of breath from him and purple light that glows in the crevices and gaps of Viktor's new body wherever K's fingers touch.
"It...feels like you have somehow reached inside me and touched my very soul when you touch me."
For better or worse, Viktor is still human to K. He has an entire lifetime of lived experience as a human, and who he is now is still informed by those experiences, in the same way that being an android has informed everything about who K is. That's what matters to him and as far as he's concerned the Void can't take that identity away from Viktor. After all, despite the drastic changes made to his own body from being both a Coldblood and a Familiar, he still considers himself an android.
And as before, K experiences an echo of the sensations as well. It's immeasurably comforting to know that aspect of their bond has remained intact during Viktor's absence from Folkmore. As drained and emotionally raw as K's feeling he can't quite muster the playful curiosity he'd shown before when he'd experimentally pinched Viktor's nipples (which can't happen now anyway, he realises with a little melancholic pang), but he does note with interest that the connection has possibly become even more intense. And there's glowing...
Being mindful of that, K is careful to keep his touch light as he works soap over Viktor's back and begins washing it for him with gentle, massaging motions. Adele is also given a soapy-handed pat to her head.
The truth was that it had felt good and it also added to Viktor's feeling that he didn't deserve a Familiar bond. He was too emotionally traumatized not to feel like anything that made him feel good was something that he didn't deserve right now.
Adele is a little unhappy about the soapy hand that left a soap bubble on her head. She flew down from Viktor's shoulder to put her head in the shower spray. Then she shook it like a dog again and flew up to sit at the top of the shower stall out of reach of anyone but still able to keep Viktor in sight.
Oh, no. There's immediate regret for having caused Adele to move away; he hadn't meant to annoy her. Frowning to himself and feeling sort of almost doubly rejected, K continues in silence. Even once the soap is rinsed off he still makes light massaging motions while gradually working his way down Viktor's back and sides, an excuse to stay in contact with him. He isn't unaware of the guilt, but he likes making Viktor feel good. And he worries it's probably the only way for him to be remotely useful to Viktor at this point.
Actually, that bond that they share would be very useful to Viktor right now. Sorting out how he is supposed to feel is a little bit harder when he feels every emotion as sharply and clearly as he does. The possibility of being able to talk to K about it or even better to be able to have K act as a sort of filter could help Viktor to make sense of them.
Right now the glow is following where K's touch goes and goes dark again when K's fingers move on. Viktor has a shaky exhale, not able to help leaning back just a little bit into K's touch and closing his eyes.
"I don't know if it's a new effect of a Familiar bond or the fact that I can't make myself not love you even though I don't deserve you, but it feels like you are touching my soul."
As Viktor leans a little more toward him, K presses a kiss to his shoulder and in the same careful manner slips his arms around him, hugging him from behind. His metal may not be on the outside, but he's normally cold to the touch as well. The heated shower water has warmed them both up, mirroring a different kind of warmth that's spreading through their bond, while K does his best to put aside his hurt feelings for Viktor's sake. He's sure Viktor has enough already weighing on him without him adding to it.
"And I don't feel good enough for you," he quietly admits, "but it hasn't stopped me from loving you. I think your soul is beautiful."
When K's chest came into contact with Viktor's back, he had a loud lewd moan at the electric feeling thrumming through his entire body. Now the glow remained steady everywhere that K's skin was touching the metal of Viktor's body, but in the bond was the heightened feeling of warm arms coming around his sides in order to hug him. The bond was a mess of guilt and sadness but also the beautiful and silvery joyous thread of how Viktor felt being with K and the laughter that K would surprise out of him. Amidst all of that was the heat of increasing desire. And since all of Viktor's emotions were felt so much sharper and clearer, that desire was felt sharply too.
Viktor turned around in K's arms. Trying to swallow another moan at the amazing feeling of K's chest touching his and not doing very well at it.
"You are a machine that nevertheless imitates a living human perfectly and you are far more humane than many humans I have met. You are already perfect. My soul is a twisted, damaged thing. But if it's something you find beautiful then you can lay claim to it."
Having said that, Viktor did lean forward enough to kiss K.
Edited (fixed a word, sorry) 2025-01-16 06:27 (UTC)
The stark intensity of the echoed sensations, emotions, and especially Viktor's words and the sounds he makes are a startling combination; it's hard for K not to let himself get lost in it all. The building heat of desire is both surprising and relieving because it feels like another sign that, in spite of everything, Viktor is still himself. It provokes a response from K's body as well, one that makes him a little self-conscious because of the changes to Viktor's anatomy, namely what he used to have but now doesn't. But they can still kiss.
And K finally does allow himself to give into the heat of the moment, kissing Viktor back with urgency as his hands find their way to Viktor's hips, his fingers tracing along the ridges and grooves, testing how it feels to grip them now. Viktor has always felt so terribly thin that at times he's worried about inadvertently hurting him, but now the curious combination of magic and metal that comprises his body diminishes some of that concern. And he knows Viktor is far stronger than he looks.
Soon he winds one arm around Viktor again, wanting to keep their bodies pressed together as they are. Even if it makes the physical state of his arousal inescapably obvious. But maybe it will help Viktor to know K still wants all of him regardless of the changes he's undergone. Viktor's words, though... Perfect. He can't wrap his head around being thought of like that. The words also hurt, that Viktor sees himself that way, even as they touch deeply buried desires within K that before this moment, he couldn't have really imagined being allowed to want. Being invited to possess Viktor.
"There isn't a single part of you that I don't find beautiful." He brushes their lips together in a softer kiss now, smiling. "Does that mean I can claim all of you?"
Viktor's hands dropped to cover K's so that K's hands were now sandwiched between Viktor's hands and the metal of his hips. And yes it did help Viktor feel a little less like a monster that K had an undeniable physical response to him despite the radical changes that his body had undergone. Even when it's just one of Viktor's hands sandwiching K's, the other arm loops under K's shoulder and pressed against his back so that they are pressed together so tightly that not even a sheet of paper would have been able to pass between them, Viktor still had a quiet but unhappy whine at the softer kiss. All he could think about was more, harder, faster, now.
"...yes. Yes if you want all of me... Well, I'm already yours anyway. Take all that you want. Just please don't stop touching me."
Viktor moved K's palm underneath his hand. Now the glow that was showing purple light through the cracks and crevices of his entire body was no longer going out as K's fingers moved on but was growing steadily brighter. What had once been concentrated between his legs now felt like it was everywhere that K's skin contacted the metal of his body. Viktor may not have genitalia of any form or fashion but with K, and likely only with K, that effect of having two mirrors pointed at each other magnified the feeling of touch until it felt like his entire body was alive with sensation, like it was coming from everywhere all at once. He leaned forward again to capture K's lips in a far more heated, needy kiss and Viktor couldn't help a little sound in the back of his throat.
K's instinct veers more toward taking his time exploring Viktor's body and their bond and savouring every moment, in part to make up for the last year that Viktor has had to be without him. But he can tell Viktor needs something a bit different from him right now.
Which he obliges through increasingly hungry, demanding kisses and by letting Viktor guide one of his hands where he wants to, and with his other hand he strokes Viktor's back, down to his ass, across his hip and finally to experimentally cup between his legs. A lack of genitalia doesn't necessarily mean a lack of sensation, he thinks, particularly with how Viktor is responding to his touch everywhere else. And the glowing. It's mirrored within K's own body not with light, but with a simmering heat and waves of pleasure that have his cock throbbing almost painfully where it's pressed between their bodies.
Separate from their Familiar bond is the more technological connection that has remained open in a sort of standby mode since they interfaced. K utilises it now to share several deeply treasured moments from his memories of Viktor, providing a window into how K sees him and a reminder of who he still is.
My Vitya. Beautiful. You have always been deserving of my love.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"I didn't think I'd get to see you again," he manages once he finds his voice, summarising what had been a week of hell for him. It obviously doesn't begin to compare to what Viktor has gone through, he can tell that much. How much of Viktor is even still there, he wonders as his heart sinks. The Void.
"Are you still... you?"
no subject
"I don't know."
Without the effect of gravity and nothing else providing any motion, K was only an inch or two away from his feet touching the ground. Viktor raised one of his hands as though he were going to reach out and touch K, but the touch didn't connect, and Viktor's hand hovered between them.
"... I can't do it. I can't dissolve a Familiar bond. I know that I should, that it wouldn't be safe for you to be bound to me. That I have been responsible for so many awful things. That I don't deserve a Familiar bond. But I can't make myself do it."
The silent tears were flowing in earnest now.
"I am sorry that I'm too weak because it means that you will have to."
no subject
"There's always been risks, and I accept them. Let me help you."
It seems apparent that Viktor could benefit from having their bond now more than ever. Using their joined hands as leverage, he pulls himself closer to Viktor and with his free hand begins reaching toward Viktor's face. But he pauses, withdrawing his hand to wipe off as much of the swamp-muck as possible on his coat, uses some of his own magic to warm his chilled skin, and only after that does he cup Viktor's cheek in his hand, gently thumbing away tears as his uncertainty gives way to warm sensations of comfort and love gradually filling their bond. Regardless of what Viktor feels he does or doesn't deserve, K's love isn't conditional.
"Don't discard me," he says in a small voice. Like a broken machine that's served its purpose and is no longer useful. It's a dreadful thought. He takes some comfort in the knowledge that bonds can't be forced; their bond only persists because they both still want it.
"Will you tell me about where you've been? You disappeared last week." Viktor's hair is given a curious glance. "It looks like it's been much longer for you."
no subject
"I'm an awful person and I can't make myself stop wanting to be close to you."
Taking the hand that was cupped gently against his face, Viktor held both against his chest, head tilting just enough to rest his forehead against K's. It's a Zaunite way to show affection for another person, but there is no way that K would know that.
"But I think it's been almost a year since I was in Folkmore. And as far as telling you what happened, I can show you instead."
Parts of his fingers lit up and traced toward K's hands. Only because K is a machine does Viktor try using his magic on him because he would not be infecting an organic human.
no subject
This particular Zaun custom is universal enough for K to understand the meaning and he smiles at the gesture, gently squeezing Viktor's hands, relieved that he doesn't keep trying to push him away. But they're going to have to talk about whatever it is that has Viktor convinced he's a bad person. Before he can ask what Viktor means, he feels a telltale sensation not unlike what he experiences when interfacing with other technology, except — it's Viktor.
A unique connection both technological and magical is established, offering Viktor a firsthand glimpse into the vast intricacies of K's programming and all of the coding that makes him who he is. Readily available at a surface level are his manufacturer's serial numbers, model serial number, incept date, and other such indicators that he's a product of the Wallace Corporation.
K's eyes flutter when the connection is initially made, then he looks to Viktor in surprise. "That's new." And something that he'd like to explore more — later. When he next 'speaks' it's through their connection: I'm ready.
As ready as he can be.
no subject
Viktor reaches up to gently clasp both sides of K's temples and instead of using his fingers, the custom of gently touching foreheads in order to show affection carries over. But the information exchanged is computational like a data packet. It's everything that Viktor had seen and felt over the course of the last year compressed into a type of code that had more to do with the runic script than something like binary. Starting with his first death of many during the rocket attack on the council room.
The growing distance between Jayce and Viktor came to a breaking point when first Jayce used the hex core on Viktor. Then within a few minutes of realizing what had happened, he was going to pick up Sky's notebook and saw that Jayce was designing a rifle for use with hex tech. Viktor had been devastated and had never been very good with emotions. So what did he do when the one person he had cared about and trusted most broke his promise? Viktor shut down. It was then that the idea that human emotion was a danger first occurred to him.
After Viktor left, his first impulse had been to use the magic he now could to find a way to help those at rock bottom after a life of being so badly mistreated, abused, and forced out to the very fringes of the city. His vision had been idyllic. From clean water to enough food for everyone, and an end to sickness. But the fatal flaw in that was the loss of differences of thought or personality, of 'imperfections'. Eventually, they became both a commune and a hive mind. One that showed the truth of what it was when Jayce was the one to kill Viktor for the second time.
Only then did things start to show themselves as being as dark and lonely as Viktor's soul had become. While he was still being influenced by the hex core he came to the decision that human emotion was the true problem. After he tried to partner with Jayce again and was forced out of the council room by the combined energies of Jayce and Mel, Viktor felt stunned that they would both go against him like that. Stunned and heartbroken. It was then that he decided to give up his humanity. Which explained why he had looked the way that he had at first since that was the way that he had last looked in the 'real' world.
But at the very end when he was literally a hair's breadth away from sterilizing the entire world, a boy that he had not met before, but one who obviously knew him, through a device at him that defied every law of physics that he knew. Defied and when the device made impact, did the impossible and actually penetrated the Herald enough that it could turn back the clock on the humanity that Viktor had given up.
In the very end on the astral plane when Jayce hugged him and Viktor could see into his memories enough to see the old mage who had first inspired Jayce all those years ago was actually another version, an older version, of Viktor. The older version claimed that he wanted to bring an end to the world's suffering and was going to do it with science. But when every equation was solved, there was nothing but fields of dreamless solitude, which meant that this version of Viktor was functionally immortal but was also alone forever because he was being used by the arcane itself. Human emotion is necessary because it informs our conscience. And without emotion? There was no conscience at all. Now that he understood what had been happening to him, Viktor was completely horrified.
Horrified enough that he was willing to do the one thing that he was afraid of most; dying alone with no one to remember him. But Jayce didn't let him do that by himself. At first, Viktor did not understand. He still doesn't entirely understand, not really. But he understood that it was something that Jayce had to do for himself as much as for Viktor and so Viktor expected to die alongside Jayce in order that they could use sympathetic magic to close the anomaly under the Hex Gates.
But all those people. When I evolved them they never came back. They were just soulless husks. That is why I am a terrible person.
Now Viktor was certain beyond doubt that K would despise him.
no subject
Though he witnesses events from Viktor's limited point of view, he has the benefit of being able to parse everything from an outsider's perspective. An outsider who happens to know Viktor and his way of thinking very well, or he'd like to think he does, at least.
"'You were being manipulated the whole time... The hexcore was using you."
Is still using him? Is it the only thing keeping him alive now? The questions are clear in K's expression as he looks at Viktor and his altered form. Jayce had made that choice for him against his explicitly stated wishes, betrayed him to save him... and K can't help wondering what he would have done if faced with the same circumstances. It's painful to even think about, but he can also understand why Jayce chose what he did, where Viktor is concerned. Continuing to weaponise hextech after promising not to is another matter, one that he isn't sure he'll ever know the full story on. He wishes Jayce was still here.
Contrary to what Viktor is expecting from him, K simply leans back in until their foreheads are touching again and then gathers Viktor into his arms, holding him tight. He knows it's more complicated than blaming Viktor's choices and actions entirely on the hexcore's influence. He knows some of Viktor's guilt may be warranted and that he'll have to live with the weight of that for the rest of his days. He knows, because they're not so different. Only the government-sanctioned executions of K's own kind that he'd been ordered to carry out never held the guise of truly helping anyone, not in the same way that Viktor had originally tried to aid and uplift those in dire need.
"I'm so sorry for what was done to you," he murmurs. "And all of those people." K's feelings toward humanity may be complicated and rarely positive, but Viktor's pain matters more to him than his own. And it doesn't take having an empathic bond to tell how much Viktor is hurting right now. K fully intends to keep the promise they both made — as long as they have each other, neither of them has to be alone again. He wants to be with Viktor. That hasn't changed.
no subject
As much as he didn't think he deserved it, Viktor couldn't help feeling pathetically grateful that K had not pushed him away in disgust. After all he had done and been through, he did not know how he would have coped with that because he couldn't think of a way that he could possibly kill himself. Realistically speaking that would have broken his mind entirely and he would probably spend the rest of his days in a catatonic state.
"It would be easy to blame it all on the hexcore. But there is always a choice that goes with any use of magic."
no subject
Is the hexcore still exerting its influence even now? How much of Viktor's mind and will are truly his own?
"Your good intentions were insidiously weaponised." Not unlike what happened with hextech, he thinks. Though he doesn't disagree with what Viktor said. "It would be different if you'd set out to subjugate people from the beginning. I could feel what you felt," he says quietly as he leans his head against Viktor's, wishing he could do more for him. "I know you wanted to help them."
no subject
That is an open question. How much is the hex core affecting him? It is what has been keeping him alive all this time, and even if it's possible for him to live in Folkmore without it, it's not possible to separate it from Viktor at this point. Even before he ever came to Folkmore he was experimenting with it added to his blood and body.
For a few minutes, they stay that way Viktor just leaning his forehead against K's while keeping his eyes closed. He didn't realize it but being in physical contact with his bonded Familiar was soothing. But after a few minutes, he did seem to realize where they were. They both had cold swamp muck on their feet plus K's coat and the hem of Viktor's robe.
"Is it...is it all right if I go back to your apartment with you? We're both covered in mud and need to wash that out of your coat before it sets."
Viktor wasn't in any position to lay claim to anything, much less where K lives.
no subject
"Of course it's all right. You live there too." Finally releasing Viktor, K turns away for a moment under the pretense of taking in their surroundings to orient himself, and uses that opportunity to discreetly swipe at his stinging eyes and compose himself. "If you still want to," he adds before reaching for Viktor's hand again, so they can start making their way out of the swamp.
no subject
Viktor still thought he didn't deserve K either but he was still holding on to K's hand in one of his and the second hand clinging to K's wrist. Knowing where they are going, Viktor's magic still keeps K weightless and is creating shimmering places everywhere that Viktor's feet touch the ground because otherwise, he would sink into Exile's muddy swamp too. Small and unassuming Adele was waiting until they had started to leave. But she is aware of Viktor's distress though she was hoping that by staying back and letting K talk to Viktor first, it would help. Now she flies down from the branch she was sitting on to land on Viktor's shoulder. She cuddles up close to his neck and rubs her tiny cheek against his like a cat in an effort to comfort him.
His magic remains until they get to Epiphany. K is able to walk now if he wants to, but Viktor is still clinging to his hand and wrist. Even once they were inside the apartment, Viktor was still clinging. Even when K takes his coat off Viktor is standing right there while he does it and then once again clinging to one of his hands. He follows after wherever it is that K leads.
no subject
Even if he can understand the reasoning. They have a long journey ahead of them to undo the damage of the last year for Viktor, K can already tell. If it even can be undone.
He sheds the dirtiest of his clothes near the door to be seen to later — boots, socks, coat, and after a few moments' consideration, his pants as well, since they're caked in mud up to thigh level due to how much he'd struggled in the swamp. Less to clean up later if he's not tracking mud through the whole apartment. He lets Viktor cling; it makes it easier to take care of him. He also pets Adele, grateful for her presence. Hopefully she can help Viktor, too.
Leading him to one of the bathrooms, K starts a shower running before he gets a closer look at Viktor's attire. Viktor's own memories will serve as his guide for helping him remove the makeshift robe without damaging anything. But after reaching to start undoing the bindings around Viktor's waist, he pauses.
"Would you like me to help you?" he asks. "I'll use the other bathroom if you prefer privacy." With the drastic changes to Viktor's body, K isn't assuming he's going to be comfortable with all of the same things as before. Best to ask first. Everything feels uncertain and strange right now and it makes him nervous. Is Viktor intending to move out as well?
no subject
"No please stay. I don't want you to feel hurt, so for your sake, I will say that I live here too."
His robe is actually a blanket that K will have seen in his memories as the same blanket that Jayce had laid across Viktor's shoulders. Viktor hadn't thought he would ever see Jayce again so he kept the blanket as the last reminder he had of Jayce. It had been styled along with the straps at his waist by Huck in the commune.
All of his body had become that mix of metal and magic. One very noticeable difference in how his body looks is the bizarre ridges on his hips and a noticeable lack of any genitalia whatsoever. What had been a hard corset to create an artificial spine for him had become a permanent part of his body, and now, it looked like he had a permanent corset tipped in gold. The only part of his body that was actually warm to the touch was his face. The rest of his body was a cold type of metal. It meant that the mud on his bare feet was just as cold as the metal it was stuck to.
Adele had her tail curled around the back of Viktor's neck, though she didn't need it to hold on, she was staying cuddled up against his neck even as K led him into the shower. Adele actually liked swimming and otherwise being in the water, so she wouldn't mind taking a shower too.
no subject
The shower is spacious enough that not even two people and a diminutive dragon in it at the same time makes it feel crowded. The hot water does most of the work of rinsing away whatever swamp muck is left on them, but K still opts to lather up with soap and thoroughly scrub himself clean, wishing his worries could be washed away as easily as the mud.
It's automatic, the way he turns with the intention of washing Viktor's back for him, but before his hands can make contact he pauses to ask, "Is it okay if I touch you?"
no subject
Adele glided down to the floor and spread her wings in the shower spray like a bird, flapped them a bit, then held them up again as she got both of her sides under her wings wet. She shook water off of her head like a dog would and when Viktor's hair was rinsed he flew back up to sit on his shoulder, but this time facing K.
"Yes, it's all right if you touch me."
When K's hands make contact with Viktor's bare back, there's a sharp intake of breath from him and purple light that glows in the crevices and gaps of Viktor's new body wherever K's fingers touch.
"It...feels like you have somehow reached inside me and touched my very soul when you touch me."
no subject
And as before, K experiences an echo of the sensations as well. It's immeasurably comforting to know that aspect of their bond has remained intact during Viktor's absence from Folkmore. As drained and emotionally raw as K's feeling he can't quite muster the playful curiosity he'd shown before when he'd experimentally pinched Viktor's nipples (which can't happen now anyway, he realises with a little melancholic pang), but he does note with interest that the connection has possibly become even more intense. And there's glowing...
Being mindful of that, K is careful to keep his touch light as he works soap over Viktor's back and begins washing it for him with gentle, massaging motions. Adele is also given a soapy-handed pat to her head.
"Is it too much?" he wonders.
no subject
The truth was that it had felt good and it also added to Viktor's feeling that he didn't deserve a Familiar bond. He was too emotionally traumatized not to feel like anything that made him feel good was something that he didn't deserve right now.
Adele is a little unhappy about the soapy hand that left a soap bubble on her head. She flew down from Viktor's shoulder to put her head in the shower spray. Then she shook it like a dog again and flew up to sit at the top of the shower stall out of reach of anyone but still able to keep Viktor in sight.
no subject
no subject
Right now the glow is following where K's touch goes and goes dark again when K's fingers move on. Viktor has a shaky exhale, not able to help leaning back just a little bit into K's touch and closing his eyes.
"I don't know if it's a new effect of a Familiar bond or the fact that I can't make myself not love you even though I don't deserve you, but it feels like you are touching my soul."
no subject
"And I don't feel good enough for you," he quietly admits, "but it hasn't stopped me from loving you. I think your soul is beautiful."
no subject
Viktor turned around in K's arms. Trying to swallow another moan at the amazing feeling of K's chest touching his and not doing very well at it.
"You are a machine that nevertheless imitates a living human perfectly and you are far more humane than many humans I have met. You are already perfect. My soul is a twisted, damaged thing. But if it's something you find beautiful then you can lay claim to it."
Having said that, Viktor did lean forward enough to kiss K.
no subject
And K finally does allow himself to give into the heat of the moment, kissing Viktor back with urgency as his hands find their way to Viktor's hips, his fingers tracing along the ridges and grooves, testing how it feels to grip them now. Viktor has always felt so terribly thin that at times he's worried about inadvertently hurting him, but now the curious combination of magic and metal that comprises his body diminishes some of that concern. And he knows Viktor is far stronger than he looks.
Soon he winds one arm around Viktor again, wanting to keep their bodies pressed together as they are. Even if it makes the physical state of his arousal inescapably obvious. But maybe it will help Viktor to know K still wants all of him regardless of the changes he's undergone. Viktor's words, though... Perfect. He can't wrap his head around being thought of like that. The words also hurt, that Viktor sees himself that way, even as they touch deeply buried desires within K that before this moment, he couldn't have really imagined being allowed to want. Being invited to possess Viktor.
"There isn't a single part of you that I don't find beautiful." He brushes their lips together in a softer kiss now, smiling. "Does that mean I can claim all of you?"
no subject
"...yes. Yes if you want all of me... Well, I'm already yours anyway. Take all that you want. Just please don't stop touching me."
Viktor moved K's palm underneath his hand. Now the glow that was showing purple light through the cracks and crevices of his entire body was no longer going out as K's fingers moved on but was growing steadily brighter. What had once been concentrated between his legs now felt like it was everywhere that K's skin contacted the metal of his body. Viktor may not have genitalia of any form or fashion but with K, and likely only with K, that effect of having two mirrors pointed at each other magnified the feeling of touch until it felt like his entire body was alive with sensation, like it was coming from everywhere all at once. He leaned forward again to capture K's lips in a far more heated, needy kiss and Viktor couldn't help a little sound in the back of his throat.
no subject
Which he obliges through increasingly hungry, demanding kisses and by letting Viktor guide one of his hands where he wants to, and with his other hand he strokes Viktor's back, down to his ass, across his hip and finally to experimentally cup between his legs. A lack of genitalia doesn't necessarily mean a lack of sensation, he thinks, particularly with how Viktor is responding to his touch everywhere else. And the glowing. It's mirrored within K's own body not with light, but with a simmering heat and waves of pleasure that have his cock throbbing almost painfully where it's pressed between their bodies.
Separate from their Familiar bond is the more technological connection that has remained open in a sort of standby mode since they interfaced. K utilises it now to share several deeply treasured moments from his memories of Viktor, providing a window into how K sees him and a reminder of who he still is.
My Vitya. Beautiful. You have always been deserving of my love.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)