All of the sensations feel as though they're rapidly building toward something and K continues mapping Viktor's altered body with his hands and mouth, learning him anew. As physically close as they are, he still wishes they could be closer, somehow. And having experienced Viktor's orgasms secondhand before, he's able to recognise what feels, unmistakably, like the approach of one — at the brink, he's surprised to notice even Viktor's eyes are glowing now.
Then as the mirrored, combined, recursive pleasure and feelings of love flooding their bond wash over him, his eyes slip closed and a heady moan resembling Viktor's name escapes him. As impossible as it may be, he thinks he can feel the release within his own body, from the rhythmic contractions of muscle to the way his cock feels as though it's pulsing against Viktor. It might also just be the remembered sensations of shared orgasms in the past, but in that moment the source doesn't really matter, only what they both feel. The love they share.
Afterward he wraps his arms around Viktor once more, his smile hidden against Viktor's neck. Even if they weren't in the shower there wouldn't be any cleanup needed, so there's no reason not to give into his urge to hold Viktor while enjoying the afterglow.
"If I were lucky enough to have several lifetimes with you," he says quietly, sounding a bit breathless, "I'd still want more."
The glow dimmed some but it certainly wasn't gone and Viktor couldn't help a little sound at the heightened feeling of K's arms around him. Viktor's neck which moved like muscle and sinew nevertheless felt like metal to the touch and there was even something that sounded strangely metallic, like the sound of incredibly soft reverb whenever he spoke if you listened closely. The glow was fading from his eyes but still in his pupils as he frowned and then spoke very quietly to the wall behind K as he looked over his shoulder
"... And - Ah - what if I am not that man anymore? What if I am not Viktor?"
What if he was just the hex core wearing a Viktor mask? This was as close to human as he could change himself to be while the hex core was still able to keep him alive.
Of all possible responses to a declaration of undying love, that is perhaps one of the most unromantic. Which sort of feels like further evidence of this really being Viktor. But so much for the afterglow. K's smile fades along with some of the lingering feelings of pleasure as he leans back to look at him.
"What if my emotions aren't even real, just programming?"
What if neither of them are actually 'themselves', just the result of something else's influence or control? It's something K has struggled with for years now, and he isn't sure he has a good answer yet. But he'd like to offer what reassurances he can to Viktor.
"You still feel like Viktor to me, where it counts. And that you're even able to consider that possibility is an indication of still being yourself, I think. What purpose could the hexcore pretending to love me possibly serve?"
None of this has felt like an act to him, but since Viktor seems to be genuinely concerned about the possibility...
Viktor still frowned in thought but wound his arms around K's neck and laid his head down on K's shoulder.
"If I ever start to not feel like Viktor then I want for you to tell Mel or Hawke. Don't wait, tell them right away."
Viktor's mind has always been steady, and logical, the one tool that he had that he was proud of. But what had very nearly come to pass scared him so badly because it was his logical mind that was making the decisions that it did. Viktor who had always been a staunch pacifist had been responsible for creating a mindless puppet army. Viktor who was a quiet and shy scientist created a hive mind and in so doing killed the differences in the people who were living in the commune. Viktor was afraid of what he could do and that anxiety was probably bleeding into the bond a little. With K he did feel safer, shivering as he cuddled closer and the heightened feeling of their metal and skin again making contact kept the glow still present but not brightening.
"I love you. I don't know if I've ever said it out loud, though. I love you and I'm so afraid that the magic will be able to hurt you through me."
When K views the last while through the lens of Viktor's worries that he isn't really himself... the implications make him feel sick. But still he has to wonder what purpose the hexcore would even have for using him in such a way. As far as he could tell from Viktor's memories, he hadn't seduced any of the people in the commune.
He tries to keep his growing distress and sadness out of their bond and offers feelings of reassurance as he strokes Viktor's damp hair. But he just feels so wholly inadequate now — Viktor doesn't seem to trust him to even be capable of handling things on his own — and again wishes he could help Viktor in any real or lasting way. That it wasn't always other people, such as Baphomet and Jayce and Mel, that are the only ones who can.
Viktor was quiet for a moment but then seemed to grow more determined. The resolve to do something that helps assuage the anxiety bleeding through in the bond. Action always did help with his worries. Viktor leaned back enough to be able to look K in the eye.
"I'm not going to let the magic hurt you. I know that you are capable of some elemental magic, so you should be able to make use of the astral plane with me."
It used to be Sky who would assist him but now she was gone which was a problem because she already knew how to work on that plane of existence. Viktor hoped to use the Android loophole that would help keep K safe from the void magic. But he wanted to go further than that. He honestly wasn't sure how he would pull that off but he had to try.
"We should get out of the shower. I would ask that the blue and red blanket that my robe was made from not be thrown out though."
Jayce had given him the blanket and it was very likely that he would never see Jayce again. The only reason that Viktor did not keep more keepsakes was just the simple fact that he had no frame of reference for keeping anything, much less something special to him.
"I don't think that magic would have any use for something like me?" Keyword being something.
With a final kiss to Viktor's forehead K releases him as requested. Hoping to hide evidence of his brimming tears, he gives his face a hard scrub beneath the running water then shuts off the shower and steps out. He pulls on a bathrobe and offers another to Viktor before bending down to start gathering their dirty clothes from off the floor.
Might as well try to be useful and wash Viktor's robe for him. By hand, he thinks as he carefully examines the material, just to be safe. He knows it has sentimental value. He doesn't want to risk ruining it.
"I'll wash it for you," he says as though it should have been obvious that he'd never just throw it out. "And before I do, can I get you anything?"
After the wild rollercoaster of a reunion that they've had, with the highs of declarations of love and intimacy followed by the abrupt plummet into the current low K finds himself in, trying to keep his hands and mind occupied with more mundane tasks for a while might help.
"If you can possibly do elemental magic all on your own then I think you have proved that magic has a use for someone like you."
Notice that insistence on the correct word. Viktor did take the bathrobe but once he had put it on, K was already gathering the discarded pieces of clothing on the floor. Before he put the dirty blanket over one arm, one of Viktor's hands took one of his and the other hand was clinging to K's wrist.
"Can I... Can I stay with you? Even if you are just going to do laundry."
Much as he wants to find a solution to K being possibly threatened by void magic, he still feels desperately vulnerable. K might end up with a clingy Viktor shadow.
The correction makes K smile. He still has his doubts about something that feeds off life as the Void does having much use for an imitation of life, but Viktor has a point about his magic, which stems from his blood; magic is an intrinsic part of him now, too. Though he wishes Viktor wouldn't add to his worries like this, he appreciates the effort to keep him safe.
"Yes. I'd like for you to feel at home here again... in your own time," he says, feeling the latter's an important addition. No pressure for Viktor to rush his recovery or do anything he may not feel ready for. And if his presence can bring comfort, he's hardly going to turn down having Viktor's company even when doing mundane chores.
K's own clothes are put into the washer, but Viktor's robe is taken to the kitchen sink to wash by hand with a gentle detergent. A chair is also set nearby in case Viktor wants to sit. It occurs to K that he could make a late dinner for them, but he isn't sure whether Viktor can eat now and he wouldn't want to eat alone. A question for later.
"Tell me about the astral plane," he suggests as he works soap into the fabric. "Would I be able to help you there?"
"The only time I feel like I'm at home is when I'm with you."
Technically no place ever felt like home because Viktor had not really had one so he had nothing to compare the feeling with. But he felt better when he could be close to K, even if it was just for holding his hand. Viktor also sat down in the chair that K had put out.
"I don't know that I will do a very good job of explaining. What it is important to know is that the same energy that makes up the human soul also makes up magic."
Viktor looked down at his lap, fingers fiddling with the end of the bathrobe belt.
"My lab assistant was a young woman named Sky Young. She was the only person that the hex core absorbed. What happened to her is my fault too, since I was the one experimenting and she was only trying to help me not die. In the end, it cost her life."
He looked back up at K.
"I think that I am going to need to use my magic to bring you in and out of it. But I want to change how my magic works on other people. No more infecting them or making a hive mind. Until I find a way to keep from infecting anyone by accident, I'm not going to use my magic on an organic person."
Since K is a robotic person, Viktor feels safe with him. And if the Void magic could not affect him the way it did with humans, then so much the better.
What a sweet sentiment. In response, K leans down to give Viktor an affectionate kiss. That helps make up for inadvertently killing the mood before and planting a seed of doubt about his identity. Even now a part of K wonders if the hexcore could really imitate someone so convincingly, right down to their emotions, and what purpose appealing to his own emotions could serve. Luring him into a false sense of security, but to what end? He'd far rather believe it's truly Viktor telling him these things and feeling this way about him.
"I'm sorry about your assistant." It helps to explain a few things K has long wondered about. That poor woman. He hopes she's at peace now. "It does seem best to limit the usage of your abilities. Do you think I'm able to help you change your magic like that? I will, if it's at all possible. Is the hexcore the source of your magic?"
Because that could make things infinitely more complicated — but K's still willing to do anything he can to help Viktor. He wants to hope that in the process they can also figure out a way to keep Viktor alive without the hexcore. If he'd want that.
Viktor doesn't understand why telling the truth would be rewarded with a kiss but it felt nice to be able to please K. And it's human emotion that the hex core was not able to fabricate. It couldn't reproduce them so it exploited Sky Young's knowledge and her connection with Viktor. While he had the ability to feel anything, she had probably been the only one who was able to emotionally connect with him. The hex core would have needed him to willfully give up the last of his emotions. And when he willfully gave them up, he gave up the ability to interact with her. In answer to K's question, Viktor sighed.
"I honestly don't know. The fact that you are a machine person and not an organic person would mean that my magic would not be able to hurt you. Beyond that, as far as what you can or cannot do, your guess is as good as mine."
Now he felt a chaotic storm of emotions all the time. This is probably evident to K as Viktor is oscillating between anxiety, fear, and anger at himself. His other empathic bond appears from being Between which she went into as soon as Viktor kissed K in the shower. Adele reclaimed her perch on Viktor's shoulder but still cuddled up to his neck.
K hasn't known much kindness or affection in his life, and has never had the luxury of taking these sorts of things for granted, so any crumbs of either that he's given are very significant to him. Even better if they happen to be the truth. Plus it can't hurt to encourage Viktor with any of these softer emotions he feels, especially right now.
"Sounds like it's an astral-date, then. We'll find out together."
Now he knows to refrain from trying to pet Adele with wet soapy hands, so he just continues washing the robe when she reappears. He'll make it up to her with fish in a bit.
"Your magic might be able to affect me in other ways," he says thoughtfully.
Adele was also able to sense Viktor's emotional state, and though he looked perfectly calm, she was aware that he was anything but. There wasn't much she could do about that but she was staying close to the warmth of his face and trying to be comforting however she could. The Hex core was still muffling the ability that Viktor had to show his emotions with his facial expressions, so the tiny twitch of his eyebrows together was tantamount to frowning in confusion at K.
Reading Viktor's emotions through their bond has become so second-nature to K that the muted emoting doesn't put him off the way it might others. He doesn't have to guess at how Viktor is feeling when he knows. It's a stroke of good fortune that Viktor also has an empathic animal companion, especially now, though K worries about how the chaotic storm of emotions might be affecting her when she probably has no way of understanding them.
"Healing, for one example. Healing magic that works on humans doesn't work on me." He rinses off one of his hands before lifting up his pendant that, yes, he still always wears.
"Mel's does because you found a way to convert it into something compatible with my system. Maybe your magic won't require that extra step. But I also understand if you would rather not experiment."
Adele didn't fully understand it was true, but she did know that the storm of chaotic emotions was Viktor's and not something inside her. Mostly, she just thought that something bad must have happened to him. As for the possibility of experimenting Victor's verbal response was quick.
"No. No experimenting with the hex core."
He had a reflexive feeling of fear to go with the statement. Viktor had a lot of self-loathing for most of his life but now it had become a sort of body horror in place of it. In realizing just how much damage the hex core was able to do when it was combined with his body and mind, Viktor had developed a deep fear around what had happened to him.
Whenever he's been injured he has always been left to heal on his own due to a lack of android-compatible resources in every world, so having access to something that might at least help boost the recovery process would've been useful, not to mention the other possibilities if Viktor's magic could actually work on him. But he isn't going to press the matter; he regrets the reaction his suggestion has caused.
Without looking up from the sink, K simply replies, "Okay."
Like he'd said, he understands.
"I'm going to prepare some fish for Adele. Do you want something to eat too?"
If it's just about using healing magic on an Android, that could be possible. But Viktor was deeply afraid of the magic somehow hurting K and didn't want to risk it. With time to heal, he may be able to get past that particular fear. Right now he goes back to that same emotionless expression that he's had for much of this conversation.
"I actually don't need to eat now. Sometimes, I will just to be able to taste something. But I don't have that kind of bodily need anymore."
The implication had been that he'd prepare something that Viktor does like, since he doubts he'd want raw fish. But it's a moot point now, it seems.
"Okay." With the same acceptance as before. "Let me know if you ever do want something?"
He takes the now clean robe and hangs it up to dry, then returns to the kitchen and pulls the fish out of the fridge and starts preparing it for Adele. He still doesn't care to eat alone, particularly when he has no need to, so he'll also forgo making himself any food.
Adele is very interested in what K is doing once the fish comes out of the fridge. She glides off Viktor's shoulder to land on the countertop near where K is working.
There is an awful lot about the human experience that Viktor has never tried in the first place and now has become a moot point. But moot point or not eating a meal with someone else fed a lot more than just the stomach. Once Adele was gone, Viktor tried to finger-comb his damp hair with mixed success.
"I am sorry if that is disappointing. I know that you learned to cook specifically for other people."
Mostly he feels sad for Viktor that he's been changed so dramatically against his will. For K, not requiring sustenance or sleep to live (though he can still benefit from both) has been a fact of life since his first moment of consciousness, but he can imagine how unsettling and probably dehumanising it might feel for a human to suddenly experience it. Even he occasionally eats for the enjoyment of the food, the company, the experience of being more like a 'real person'... maybe they can still have meals together every now and then.
"I'll miss being able to do that for you," he admits. "And sharing meals with you. So maybe you'll still indulge this sentimental fool occasionally. The same with sleeping, if you feel like it."
Fish preparation mainly involves descaling, deboning, and slicing it into bite-sized strips. He knows none of it's necessary, but it's the equivalent of giving her a treat; just the soft, tasty meat of the fish. He arranges the strips on a plate and serves it to Adele, then washes his hands.
"Does it bother you?" he asks as he looks back to Viktor. "Not needing to do those things anymore."
Seeing what Viktor is doing gives him an idea. He makes another brief trip to the bathroom and reappears with a comb and brush. Gathering some of Viktor's hair in a hand, he starts gently detangling it with the comb.
There is little to no expression on Viktor's face but his emotions were a swirl of regret with a little bit of relief mixed in. He did not need to eat and would only need an hour or two of sleep a week. But he couldn't help feeling a tiny bit of relief that he would not have to try to fake being 'normal'.
"... Sometimes, I think it will bother me. If only because it's more evidence that I'm no longer human."
He was already isolated from able-bodied people, then isolated even more as the by-product of having a gifted mind. That was how the hex core was able to systematically remove all of the emotions that Viktor felt, the ones that he already felt had little to nothing to do with those emotions ever being happy ones. Viktor looked down at his hand resting against his knee. There was some anxiety mixed with regret.
Unsure how to interpret Viktor's lack of reaction in this instance, K decides to err on the side of caution — he'd rather not risk upsetting Viktor any more than he already has with his questions. He sets aside the comb and brush for now, instead leaning back against the counter to look at him, giving him his full attention.
"The majority of your lived experience has been as a human. And that's shaped who and what you are. No matter what's been done to your body, nothing can change that."
His reaction had been mostly internal. He was still wrestling with the ability to actually show how he felt. It seemed like those reactions were being muffled so they weren't quite making it to his expression. He was close enough for it though, and so he slipped his hand into K's despite not looking up at him.
"... Do you still think of me as human?"
Viktor still felt like a raw nerve in that everything was affecting him, but he never knew when that storm of chaotic emotion would make him feel like he should be laughing or feel like he should be crying. Sometimes both at the same time. So right now, it's K who is the only solid thing left in the storm, and Viktor intends to cling to K as much as he possibly can.
Taking Viktor's hand, he gently squeezes it in a gesture of reassurance, mirroring the feelings of comfort coming from his end of the bond. Then he lifts Viktor's hand as he leans down and kisses his knuckles. There may not be much else he can really do to help calm Viktor's emotions at the moment, but he can at least offer another perspective.
"Yes. To me, you're still the person I've been fortunate enough to know for years. You're still the man I fell in love with. You once told me we're both more than the sum of what our bodies allow us to do. Even if you feel like you can't believe that right now, it hasn't stopped being true."
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Then as the mirrored, combined, recursive pleasure and feelings of love flooding their bond wash over him, his eyes slip closed and a heady moan resembling Viktor's name escapes him. As impossible as it may be, he thinks he can feel the release within his own body, from the rhythmic contractions of muscle to the way his cock feels as though it's pulsing against Viktor. It might also just be the remembered sensations of shared orgasms in the past, but in that moment the source doesn't really matter, only what they both feel. The love they share.
Afterward he wraps his arms around Viktor once more, his smile hidden against Viktor's neck. Even if they weren't in the shower there wouldn't be any cleanup needed, so there's no reason not to give into his urge to hold Viktor while enjoying the afterglow.
"If I were lucky enough to have several lifetimes with you," he says quietly, sounding a bit breathless, "I'd still want more."
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"... And - Ah - what if I am not that man anymore? What if I am not Viktor?"
What if he was just the hex core wearing a Viktor mask? This was as close to human as he could change himself to be while the hex core was still able to keep him alive.
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"What if my emotions aren't even real, just programming?"
What if neither of them are actually 'themselves', just the result of something else's influence or control? It's something K has struggled with for years now, and he isn't sure he has a good answer yet. But he'd like to offer what reassurances he can to Viktor.
"You still feel like Viktor to me, where it counts. And that you're even able to consider that possibility is an indication of still being yourself, I think. What purpose could the hexcore pretending to love me possibly serve?"
None of this has felt like an act to him, but since Viktor seems to be genuinely concerned about the possibility...
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"If I ever start to not feel like Viktor then I want for you to tell Mel or Hawke. Don't wait, tell them right away."
Viktor's mind has always been steady, and logical, the one tool that he had that he was proud of. But what had very nearly come to pass scared him so badly because it was his logical mind that was making the decisions that it did. Viktor who had always been a staunch pacifist had been responsible for creating a mindless puppet army. Viktor who was a quiet and shy scientist created a hive mind and in so doing killed the differences in the people who were living in the commune. Viktor was afraid of what he could do and that anxiety was probably bleeding into the bond a little. With K he did feel safer, shivering as he cuddled closer and the heightened feeling of their metal and skin again making contact kept the glow still present but not brightening.
"I love you. I don't know if I've ever said it out loud, though. I love you and I'm so afraid that the magic will be able to hurt you through me."
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He tries to keep his growing distress and sadness out of their bond and offers feelings of reassurance as he strokes Viktor's damp hair. But he just feels so wholly inadequate now — Viktor doesn't seem to trust him to even be capable of handling things on his own — and again wishes he could help Viktor in any real or lasting way. That it wasn't always other people, such as Baphomet and Jayce and Mel, that are the only ones who can.
"And I love you," he replies softly.
If only it was enough.
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"I'm not going to let the magic hurt you. I know that you are capable of some elemental magic, so you should be able to make use of the astral plane with me."
It used to be Sky who would assist him but now she was gone which was a problem because she already knew how to work on that plane of existence. Viktor hoped to use the Android loophole that would help keep K safe from the void magic. But he wanted to go further than that. He honestly wasn't sure how he would pull that off but he had to try.
"We should get out of the shower. I would ask that the blue and red blanket that my robe was made from not be thrown out though."
Jayce had given him the blanket and it was very likely that he would never see Jayce again. The only reason that Viktor did not keep more keepsakes was just the simple fact that he had no frame of reference for keeping anything, much less something special to him.
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With a final kiss to Viktor's forehead K releases him as requested. Hoping to hide evidence of his brimming tears, he gives his face a hard scrub beneath the running water then shuts off the shower and steps out. He pulls on a bathrobe and offers another to Viktor before bending down to start gathering their dirty clothes from off the floor.
Might as well try to be useful and wash Viktor's robe for him. By hand, he thinks as he carefully examines the material, just to be safe. He knows it has sentimental value. He doesn't want to risk ruining it.
"I'll wash it for you," he says as though it should have been obvious that he'd never just throw it out. "And before I do, can I get you anything?"
After the wild rollercoaster of a reunion that they've had, with the highs of declarations of love and intimacy followed by the abrupt plummet into the current low K finds himself in, trying to keep his hands and mind occupied with more mundane tasks for a while might help.
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Notice that insistence on the correct word. Viktor did take the bathrobe but once he had put it on, K was already gathering the discarded pieces of clothing on the floor. Before he put the dirty blanket over one arm, one of Viktor's hands took one of his and the other hand was clinging to K's wrist.
"Can I... Can I stay with you? Even if you are just going to do laundry."
Much as he wants to find a solution to K being possibly threatened by void magic, he still feels desperately vulnerable. K might end up with a clingy Viktor shadow.
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"Yes. I'd like for you to feel at home here again... in your own time," he says, feeling the latter's an important addition. No pressure for Viktor to rush his recovery or do anything he may not feel ready for. And if his presence can bring comfort, he's hardly going to turn down having Viktor's company even when doing mundane chores.
K's own clothes are put into the washer, but Viktor's robe is taken to the kitchen sink to wash by hand with a gentle detergent. A chair is also set nearby in case Viktor wants to sit. It occurs to K that he could make a late dinner for them, but he isn't sure whether Viktor can eat now and he wouldn't want to eat alone. A question for later.
"Tell me about the astral plane," he suggests as he works soap into the fabric. "Would I be able to help you there?"
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Technically no place ever felt like home because Viktor had not really had one so he had nothing to compare the feeling with. But he felt better when he could be close to K, even if it was just for holding his hand. Viktor also sat down in the chair that K had put out.
"I don't know that I will do a very good job of explaining. What it is important to know is that the same energy that makes up the human soul also makes up magic."
Viktor looked down at his lap, fingers fiddling with the end of the bathrobe belt.
"My lab assistant was a young woman named Sky Young. She was the only person that the hex core absorbed. What happened to her is my fault too, since I was the one experimenting and she was only trying to help me not die. In the end, it cost her life."
He looked back up at K.
"I think that I am going to need to use my magic to bring you in and out of it. But I want to change how my magic works on other people. No more infecting them or making a hive mind. Until I find a way to keep from infecting anyone by accident, I'm not going to use my magic on an organic person."
Since K is a robotic person, Viktor feels safe with him. And if the Void magic could not affect him the way it did with humans, then so much the better.
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"I'm sorry about your assistant." It helps to explain a few things K has long wondered about. That poor woman. He hopes she's at peace now. "It does seem best to limit the usage of your abilities. Do you think I'm able to help you change your magic like that? I will, if it's at all possible. Is the hexcore the source of your magic?"
Because that could make things infinitely more complicated — but K's still willing to do anything he can to help Viktor. He wants to hope that in the process they can also figure out a way to keep Viktor alive without the hexcore. If he'd want that.
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"I honestly don't know. The fact that you are a machine person and not an organic person would mean that my magic would not be able to hurt you. Beyond that, as far as what you can or cannot do, your guess is as good as mine."
Now he felt a chaotic storm of emotions all the time. This is probably evident to K as Viktor is oscillating between anxiety, fear, and anger at himself. His other empathic bond appears from being Between which she went into as soon as Viktor kissed K in the shower. Adele reclaimed her perch on Viktor's shoulder but still cuddled up to his neck.
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"Sounds like it's an astral-date, then. We'll find out together."
Now he knows to refrain from trying to pet Adele with wet soapy hands, so he just continues washing the robe when she reappears. He'll make it up to her with fish in a bit.
"Your magic might be able to affect me in other ways," he says thoughtfully.
Since we're able to do this now.
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"What do you mean affect you in other ways?"
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"Healing, for one example. Healing magic that works on humans doesn't work on me." He rinses off one of his hands before lifting up his pendant that, yes, he still always wears.
"Mel's does because you found a way to convert it into something compatible with my system. Maybe your magic won't require that extra step. But I also understand if you would rather not experiment."
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"No. No experimenting with the hex core."
He had a reflexive feeling of fear to go with the statement. Viktor had a lot of self-loathing for most of his life but now it had become a sort of body horror in place of it. In realizing just how much damage the hex core was able to do when it was combined with his body and mind, Viktor had developed a deep fear around what had happened to him.
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Without looking up from the sink, K simply replies, "Okay."
Like he'd said, he understands.
"I'm going to prepare some fish for Adele. Do you want something to eat too?"
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"I actually don't need to eat now. Sometimes, I will just to be able to taste something. But I don't have that kind of bodily need anymore."
He also had never been much of a fan of fish.
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"Okay." With the same acceptance as before. "Let me know if you ever do want something?"
He takes the now clean robe and hangs it up to dry, then returns to the kitchen and pulls the fish out of the fridge and starts preparing it for Adele. He still doesn't care to eat alone, particularly when he has no need to, so he'll also forgo making himself any food.
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There is an awful lot about the human experience that Viktor has never tried in the first place and now has become a moot point. But moot point or not eating a meal with someone else fed a lot more than just the stomach. Once Adele was gone, Viktor tried to finger-comb his damp hair with mixed success.
"I am sorry if that is disappointing. I know that you learned to cook specifically for other people."
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"I'll miss being able to do that for you," he admits. "And sharing meals with you. So maybe you'll still indulge this sentimental fool occasionally. The same with sleeping, if you feel like it."
Fish preparation mainly involves descaling, deboning, and slicing it into bite-sized strips. He knows none of it's necessary, but it's the equivalent of giving her a treat; just the soft, tasty meat of the fish. He arranges the strips on a plate and serves it to Adele, then washes his hands.
"Does it bother you?" he asks as he looks back to Viktor. "Not needing to do those things anymore."
Seeing what Viktor is doing gives him an idea. He makes another brief trip to the bathroom and reappears with a comb and brush. Gathering some of Viktor's hair in a hand, he starts gently detangling it with the comb.
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"... Sometimes, I think it will bother me. If only because it's more evidence that I'm no longer human."
He was already isolated from able-bodied people, then isolated even more as the by-product of having a gifted mind. That was how the hex core was able to systematically remove all of the emotions that Viktor felt, the ones that he already felt had little to nothing to do with those emotions ever being happy ones. Viktor looked down at his hand resting against his knee. There was some anxiety mixed with regret.
"I don't know what I am now."
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"The majority of your lived experience has been as a human. And that's shaped who and what you are. No matter what's been done to your body, nothing can change that."
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"... Do you still think of me as human?"
Viktor still felt like a raw nerve in that everything was affecting him, but he never knew when that storm of chaotic emotion would make him feel like he should be laughing or feel like he should be crying. Sometimes both at the same time. So right now, it's K who is the only solid thing left in the storm, and Viktor intends to cling to K as much as he possibly can.
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"Yes. To me, you're still the person I've been fortunate enough to know for years. You're still the man I fell in love with. You once told me we're both more than the sum of what our bodies allow us to do. Even if you feel like you can't believe that right now, it hasn't stopped being true."
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