scienceofthearcane

"If you can possibly do elemental magic all on your own then I think you have proved that magic has a use for someone like you."

Notice that insistence on the correct word. Viktor did take the bathrobe but once he had put it on, K was already gathering the discarded pieces of clothing on the floor. Before he put the dirty blanket over one arm, one of Viktor's hands took one of his and the other hand was clinging to K's wrist.

"Can I... Can I stay with you? Even if you are just going to do laundry."

Much as he wants to find a solution to K being possibly threatened by void magic, he still feels desperately vulnerable. K might end up with a clingy Viktor shadow.

The correction makes K smile. He still has his doubts about something that feeds off life as the Void does having much use for an imitation of life, but Viktor has a point about his magic, which stems from his blood; magic is an intrinsic part of him now, too. Though he wishes Viktor wouldn't add to his worries like this, he appreciates the effort to keep him safe.

"Yes. I'd like for you to feel at home here again... in your own time," he says, feeling the latter's an important addition. No pressure for Viktor to rush his recovery or do anything he may not feel ready for. And if his presence can bring comfort, he's hardly going to turn down having Viktor's company even when doing mundane chores.

K's own clothes are put into the washer, but Viktor's robe is taken to the kitchen sink to wash by hand with a gentle detergent. A chair is also set nearby in case Viktor wants to sit. It occurs to K that he could make a late dinner for them, but he isn't sure whether Viktor can eat now and he wouldn't want to eat alone. A question for later.

"Tell me about the astral plane," he suggests as he works soap into the fabric. "Would I be able to help you there?"

"The only time I feel like I'm at home is when I'm with you."

Technically no place ever felt like home because Viktor had not really had one so he had nothing to compare the feeling with. But he felt better when he could be close to K, even if it was just for holding his hand. Viktor also sat down in the chair that K had put out.

"I don't know that I will do a very good job of explaining. What it is important to know is that the same energy that makes up the human soul also makes up magic."

Viktor looked down at his lap, fingers fiddling with the end of the bathrobe belt.

"My lab assistant was a young woman named Sky Young. She was the only person that the hex core absorbed. What happened to her is my fault too, since I was the one experimenting and she was only trying to help me not die. In the end, it cost her life."

He looked back up at K.

"I think that I am going to need to use my magic to bring you in and out of it. But I want to change how my magic works on other people. No more infecting them or making a hive mind. Until I find a way to keep from infecting anyone by accident, I'm not going to use my magic on an organic person."

Since K is a robotic person, Viktor feels safe with him. And if the Void magic could not affect him the way it did with humans, then so much the better.

What a sweet sentiment. In response, K leans down to give Viktor an affectionate kiss. That helps make up for inadvertently killing the mood before and planting a seed of doubt about his identity. Even now a part of K wonders if the hexcore could really imitate someone so convincingly, right down to their emotions, and what purpose appealing to his own emotions could serve. Luring him into a false sense of security, but to what end? He'd far rather believe it's truly Viktor telling him these things and feeling this way about him.

"I'm sorry about your assistant." It helps to explain a few things K has long wondered about. That poor woman. He hopes she's at peace now. "It does seem best to limit the usage of your abilities. Do you think I'm able to help you change your magic like that? I will, if it's at all possible. Is the hexcore the source of your magic?"

Because that could make things infinitely more complicated — but K's still willing to do anything he can to help Viktor. He wants to hope that in the process they can also figure out a way to keep Viktor alive without the hexcore. If he'd want that.

Viktor doesn't understand why telling the truth would be rewarded with a kiss but it felt nice to be able to please K. And it's human emotion that the hex core was not able to fabricate. It couldn't reproduce them so it exploited Sky Young's knowledge and her connection with Viktor. While he had the ability to feel anything, she had probably been the only one who was able to emotionally connect with him. The hex core would have needed him to willfully give up the last of his emotions. And when he willfully gave them up, he gave up the ability to interact with her. In answer to K's question, Viktor sighed.

"I honestly don't know. The fact that you are a machine person and not an organic person would mean that my magic would not be able to hurt you. Beyond that, as far as what you can or cannot do, your guess is as good as mine."

Now he felt a chaotic storm of emotions all the time. This is probably evident to K as Viktor is oscillating between anxiety, fear, and anger at himself. His other empathic bond appears from being Between which she went into as soon as Viktor kissed K in the shower. Adele reclaimed her perch on Viktor's shoulder but still cuddled up to his neck.

Edited (fixed a word) 2025-01-23 03:10 (UTC)

K hasn't known much kindness or affection in his life, and has never had the luxury of taking these sorts of things for granted, so any crumbs of either that he's given are very significant to him. Even better if they happen to be the truth. Plus it can't hurt to encourage Viktor with any of these softer emotions he feels, especially right now.

"Sounds like it's an astral-date, then. We'll find out together."

Now he knows to refrain from trying to pet Adele with wet soapy hands, so he just continues washing the robe when she reappears. He'll make it up to her with fish in a bit.

"Your magic might be able to affect me in other ways," he says thoughtfully.

Since we're able to do this now.

Adele was also able to sense Viktor's emotional state, and though he looked perfectly calm, she was aware that he was anything but. There wasn't much she could do about that but she was staying close to the warmth of his face and trying to be comforting however she could. The Hex core was still muffling the ability that Viktor had to show his emotions with his facial expressions, so the tiny twitch of his eyebrows together was tantamount to frowning in confusion at K.

"What do you mean affect you in other ways?"

Reading Viktor's emotions through their bond has become so second-nature to K that the muted emoting doesn't put him off the way it might others. He doesn't have to guess at how Viktor is feeling when he knows. It's a stroke of good fortune that Viktor also has an empathic animal companion, especially now, though K worries about how the chaotic storm of emotions might be affecting her when she probably has no way of understanding them.

"Healing, for one example. Healing magic that works on humans doesn't work on me." He rinses off one of his hands before lifting up his pendant that, yes, he still always wears.

"Mel's does because you found a way to convert it into something compatible with my system. Maybe your magic won't require that extra step. But I also understand if you would rather not experiment."

Adele didn't fully understand it was true, but she did know that the storm of chaotic emotions was Viktor's and not something inside her. Mostly, she just thought that something bad must have happened to him. As for the possibility of experimenting Victor's verbal response was quick.

"No. No experimenting with the hex core."

He had a reflexive feeling of fear to go with the statement. Viktor had a lot of self-loathing for most of his life but now it had become a sort of body horror in place of it. In realizing just how much damage the hex core was able to do when it was combined with his body and mind, Viktor had developed a deep fear around what had happened to him.

Whenever he's been injured he has always been left to heal on his own due to a lack of android-compatible resources in every world, so having access to something that might at least help boost the recovery process would've been useful, not to mention the other possibilities if Viktor's magic could actually work on him. But he isn't going to press the matter; he regrets the reaction his suggestion has caused.

Without looking up from the sink, K simply replies, "Okay."

Like he'd said, he understands.

"I'm going to prepare some fish for Adele. Do you want something to eat too?"

Edited (posted too soon) 2025-01-25 01:51 (UTC)

If it's just about using healing magic on an Android, that could be possible. But Viktor was deeply afraid of the magic somehow hurting K and didn't want to risk it. With time to heal, he may be able to get past that particular fear. Right now he goes back to that same emotionless expression that he's had for much of this conversation.

"I actually don't need to eat now. Sometimes, I will just to be able to taste something. But I don't have that kind of bodily need anymore."

He also had never been much of a fan of fish.

The implication had been that he'd prepare something that Viktor does like, since he doubts he'd want raw fish. But it's a moot point now, it seems.

"Okay." With the same acceptance as before. "Let me know if you ever do want something?"

He takes the now clean robe and hangs it up to dry, then returns to the kitchen and pulls the fish out of the fridge and starts preparing it for Adele. He still doesn't care to eat alone, particularly when he has no need to, so he'll also forgo making himself any food.

Adele is very interested in what K is doing once the fish comes out of the fridge. She glides off Viktor's shoulder to land on the countertop near where K is working.

There is an awful lot about the human experience that Viktor has never tried in the first place and now has become a moot point. But moot point or not eating a meal with someone else fed a lot more than just the stomach. Once Adele was gone, Viktor tried to finger-comb his damp hair with mixed success.

"I am sorry if that is disappointing. I know that you learned to cook specifically for other people."

Mostly he feels sad for Viktor that he's been changed so dramatically against his will. For K, not requiring sustenance or sleep to live (though he can still benefit from both) has been a fact of life since his first moment of consciousness, but he can imagine how unsettling and probably dehumanising it might feel for a human to suddenly experience it. Even he occasionally eats for the enjoyment of the food, the company, the experience of being more like a 'real person'... maybe they can still have meals together every now and then.

"I'll miss being able to do that for you," he admits. "And sharing meals with you. So maybe you'll still indulge this sentimental fool occasionally. The same with sleeping, if you feel like it."

Fish preparation mainly involves descaling, deboning, and slicing it into bite-sized strips. He knows none of it's necessary, but it's the equivalent of giving her a treat; just the soft, tasty meat of the fish. He arranges the strips on a plate and serves it to Adele, then washes his hands.

"Does it bother you?" he asks as he looks back to Viktor. "Not needing to do those things anymore."

Seeing what Viktor is doing gives him an idea. He makes another brief trip to the bathroom and reappears with a comb and brush. Gathering some of Viktor's hair in a hand, he starts gently detangling it with the comb.

There is little to no expression on Viktor's face but his emotions were a swirl of regret with a little bit of relief mixed in. He did not need to eat and would only need an hour or two of sleep a week. But he couldn't help feeling a tiny bit of relief that he would not have to try to fake being 'normal'.

"... Sometimes, I think it will bother me. If only because it's more evidence that I'm no longer human."

He was already isolated from able-bodied people, then isolated even more as the by-product of having a gifted mind. That was how the hex core was able to systematically remove all of the emotions that Viktor felt, the ones that he already felt had little to nothing to do with those emotions ever being happy ones. Viktor looked down at his hand resting against his knee. There was some anxiety mixed with regret.

"I don't know what I am now."

Unsure how to interpret Viktor's lack of reaction in this instance, K decides to err on the side of caution — he'd rather not risk upsetting Viktor any more than he already has with his questions. He sets aside the comb and brush for now, instead leaning back against the counter to look at him, giving him his full attention.

"The majority of your lived experience has been as a human. And that's shaped who and what you are. No matter what's been done to your body, nothing can change that."

His reaction had been mostly internal. He was still wrestling with the ability to actually show how he felt. It seemed like those reactions were being muffled so they weren't quite making it to his expression. He was close enough for it though, and so he slipped his hand into K's despite not looking up at him.

"... Do you still think of me as human?"

Viktor still felt like a raw nerve in that everything was affecting him, but he never knew when that storm of chaotic emotion would make him feel like he should be laughing or feel like he should be crying. Sometimes both at the same time. So right now, it's K who is the only solid thing left in the storm, and Viktor intends to cling to K as much as he possibly can.

Taking Viktor's hand, he gently squeezes it in a gesture of reassurance, mirroring the feelings of comfort coming from his end of the bond. Then he lifts Viktor's hand as he leans down and kisses his knuckles. There may not be much else he can really do to help calm Viktor's emotions at the moment, but he can at least offer another perspective.

"Yes. To me, you're still the person I've been fortunate enough to know for years. You're still the man I fell in love with. You once told me we're both more than the sum of what our bodies allow us to do. Even if you feel like you can't believe that right now, it hasn't stopped being true."

Actually, K could do a lot to calm that emotional storm for Viktor. Right now, he will just reach for that feeling of comfort that K is providing. Suiting actions to feeling, Viktor stands up from his chair, gently wraps both arms around K, and lays his head against K's shoulder in the crook of his neck. Being in physical contact with his bonded Familiar (this time with at least a bathrobe to act as clothes being on) was soothing to Viktor and he sighed in relief and closed his eyes.

"Right now, it seems like feelings for you are the only solid feelings that I'm capable of. It's like I can feel everything all the time. I think that I spent so long losing them that I've forgotten how to compartmentalize them the way that I used to."

When K thought their evening might conclude with going to bed like usual, getting dressed again hadn't seemed necessary. But Viktor no longer needs to eat, and presumably won't sleep either, so they probably should get dressed at some point. But in the meantime K's happy to hold him and offer what comfort he can. After a moment he reaches up to lightly finger-comb Viktor's damp hair.

"It's nice to feel needed," he admits. Especially when he's felt so disposable and replaceable his entire life. Even in his prior relationships he struggled with feeling superfluous. A part-time partner among many, never good enough for full commitment. And maybe he still isn't, but the fact Viktor chooses to share a Familiar bond with only him has to mean something. It's significant to K.

"And that's something you can relearn. It's difficult and overwhelming right now, but I don't think it'll always be like this. You need time to acclimate to... being yourself again. And I'll do anything I can to help. Just tell me what you need."

Viktor still had his eyes closed and spoke softly against K's shoulder.

"This is the first time that I've not felt overwhelmed. By the arcane. From emotion. From still being alive. "

Viktor's hands were clinging to the back of K's bathrobe. He might have said that all that he needed was K, but Viktor was aware of how incredibly unfair that would be to K to use him as an emotional crutch. He was right in saying that it would be possible for Viktor to re-learn what emotions went with what reaction. But that would take a lot of time and work. So for the moment, Victor was considering this a temporary reprieve.

"All that I want is you."

It seems only logical to K that they take advantage of the benefits provided by their Familiar bond, part of which is helping to regulate emotions, to calm them, to make sense of them. He wouldn't consider it being an emotional crutch — simply fulfilling his end of their partnership. But Viktor's choice of words is noted, the way he seems to be holding back. K doesn't immediately respond, but instead reaches for the brush again, and starts gently brushing out Viktor's hair now that it feels like a better moment for it. Viktor seems more present.

"You have me," he says in a soft voice. "And if you ever feel that you need something I can provide, please tell me. Let's make the most of you still being alive, hmm? There's still so much to experience together. When you start getting lost in your work and studies and projects again, don't forget that you can have a life outside of that. And that there's someone who'd like to experience it with you."

While it might arguably be a good sign once Viktor falls back into his workaholism, perhaps this time around he can strike a better balance. Who knows how much longer they'll have together. Work will always be there, but people won't be. K knows that all too painfully well.

Viktor wasn't making K's task any easier by continuing to hug him with Viktor's face pressed against the crook where his neck met his shoulder. It's always been a reflexive response from Viktor to say that he needs nothing and no one after a lifetime of people trying to take the cripple's arms and 'help'. It wasn't until the last time that he woke in the hospital that he even admitted to himself he was in need of anything - even more time. Even then, it had cost Viktor's pride something to even admit that much. Now after realizing the scope of the horror that he was consciously unleashing, Viktor didn't think he had any pride left.

"I just... I just need to be close to you."

The chaotic storm of emotion was still there, but he was also clinging on to K, both physically and emotionally because K was helping to soothe Viktor. Being in physical contact with his bonded Familiar filtered out the emotion to only be what was directed at K. In this instance, it was the warmth of sincere gratitude, and though Viktor felt he was damaged, possibly beyond repair, that same bruised love was extended through the bond along with the warm appreciation.

The position may make brushing Viktor's hair a little tricky, but that hardly matters when it's meant as a soothing gesture more than anything, something that K hopes will feel good and that doesn't require anything from Viktor. There are going to be many such gestures made in the coming weeks and months. Maybe in lieu of sleeping, he can play more music for Viktor. Go for more walks together once he feels up to it. Stargazing together; K's always enjoyed it. Perhaps a return to nighttime gardening. He wants to give Viktor as much of a sense of 'normalcy' as possible. A solid foundation from which he can find his footing again, emotionally. The calm in the eye of the storm.

"Then stay with me." In Folkmore. In their apartment. In his arms. In every sense. "You feel like home for me, too," he says as he leans his head against Viktor's. "I want to be wherever you are. I would have gone with you, if I could have."

His anxious concern for Viktor has remained steady in their bond since his return. But as some of K's own worries and uncertainties are soothed by their contact and by Viktor's words, that sense of concern has gradually calmed to a point where it more seamlessly blends with the mutual and intermingling feelings of love throughout their bond.

With that chaotic storm of emotion calmed and held at bay, very much like being in the eye of a hurricane, a touch of Viktor's old humor peeks through as he smiles against K's shoulder, though his eyes still remain closed.

"I don't think you would like it very much if I carried you around on my shoulder, and that's the only way we would never be separated."

Which is only half a joke. After the changes that have happened to Viktor's body, he could probably deadlift a semi-truck.

"...but I've still missed this feeling."

Be it a year or a week, Viktor could still feel that there was something that he had but was now missing. But with the hex core influencing his thoughts, something as vital as emotional regulation would have been something that the hex core tried to remove from his mind, or at the very least tried to make it very difficult to remember.

"I am sorry that you can't mark my skin anymore. I know that you liked the idea of getting to do that."

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