scienceofthearcane

Adele is very interested in what K is doing once the fish comes out of the fridge. She glides off Viktor's shoulder to land on the countertop near where K is working.

There is an awful lot about the human experience that Viktor has never tried in the first place and now has become a moot point. But moot point or not eating a meal with someone else fed a lot more than just the stomach. Once Adele was gone, Viktor tried to finger-comb his damp hair with mixed success.

"I am sorry if that is disappointing. I know that you learned to cook specifically for other people."

Mostly he feels sad for Viktor that he's been changed so dramatically against his will. For K, not requiring sustenance or sleep to live (though he can still benefit from both) has been a fact of life since his first moment of consciousness, but he can imagine how unsettling and probably dehumanising it might feel for a human to suddenly experience it. Even he occasionally eats for the enjoyment of the food, the company, the experience of being more like a 'real person'... maybe they can still have meals together every now and then.

"I'll miss being able to do that for you," he admits. "And sharing meals with you. So maybe you'll still indulge this sentimental fool occasionally. The same with sleeping, if you feel like it."

Fish preparation mainly involves descaling, deboning, and slicing it into bite-sized strips. He knows none of it's necessary, but it's the equivalent of giving her a treat; just the soft, tasty meat of the fish. He arranges the strips on a plate and serves it to Adele, then washes his hands.

"Does it bother you?" he asks as he looks back to Viktor. "Not needing to do those things anymore."

Seeing what Viktor is doing gives him an idea. He makes another brief trip to the bathroom and reappears with a comb and brush. Gathering some of Viktor's hair in a hand, he starts gently detangling it with the comb.

There is little to no expression on Viktor's face but his emotions were a swirl of regret with a little bit of relief mixed in. He did not need to eat and would only need an hour or two of sleep a week. But he couldn't help feeling a tiny bit of relief that he would not have to try to fake being 'normal'.

"... Sometimes, I think it will bother me. If only because it's more evidence that I'm no longer human."

He was already isolated from able-bodied people, then isolated even more as the by-product of having a gifted mind. That was how the hex core was able to systematically remove all of the emotions that Viktor felt, the ones that he already felt had little to nothing to do with those emotions ever being happy ones. Viktor looked down at his hand resting against his knee. There was some anxiety mixed with regret.

"I don't know what I am now."

Unsure how to interpret Viktor's lack of reaction in this instance, K decides to err on the side of caution — he'd rather not risk upsetting Viktor any more than he already has with his questions. He sets aside the comb and brush for now, instead leaning back against the counter to look at him, giving him his full attention.

"The majority of your lived experience has been as a human. And that's shaped who and what you are. No matter what's been done to your body, nothing can change that."

His reaction had been mostly internal. He was still wrestling with the ability to actually show how he felt. It seemed like those reactions were being muffled so they weren't quite making it to his expression. He was close enough for it though, and so he slipped his hand into K's despite not looking up at him.

"... Do you still think of me as human?"

Viktor still felt like a raw nerve in that everything was affecting him, but he never knew when that storm of chaotic emotion would make him feel like he should be laughing or feel like he should be crying. Sometimes both at the same time. So right now, it's K who is the only solid thing left in the storm, and Viktor intends to cling to K as much as he possibly can.

Taking Viktor's hand, he gently squeezes it in a gesture of reassurance, mirroring the feelings of comfort coming from his end of the bond. Then he lifts Viktor's hand as he leans down and kisses his knuckles. There may not be much else he can really do to help calm Viktor's emotions at the moment, but he can at least offer another perspective.

"Yes. To me, you're still the person I've been fortunate enough to know for years. You're still the man I fell in love with. You once told me we're both more than the sum of what our bodies allow us to do. Even if you feel like you can't believe that right now, it hasn't stopped being true."

Actually, K could do a lot to calm that emotional storm for Viktor. Right now, he will just reach for that feeling of comfort that K is providing. Suiting actions to feeling, Viktor stands up from his chair, gently wraps both arms around K, and lays his head against K's shoulder in the crook of his neck. Being in physical contact with his bonded Familiar (this time with at least a bathrobe to act as clothes being on) was soothing to Viktor and he sighed in relief and closed his eyes.

"Right now, it seems like feelings for you are the only solid feelings that I'm capable of. It's like I can feel everything all the time. I think that I spent so long losing them that I've forgotten how to compartmentalize them the way that I used to."

When K thought their evening might conclude with going to bed like usual, getting dressed again hadn't seemed necessary. But Viktor no longer needs to eat, and presumably won't sleep either, so they probably should get dressed at some point. But in the meantime K's happy to hold him and offer what comfort he can. After a moment he reaches up to lightly finger-comb Viktor's damp hair.

"It's nice to feel needed," he admits. Especially when he's felt so disposable and replaceable his entire life. Even in his prior relationships he struggled with feeling superfluous. A part-time partner among many, never good enough for full commitment. And maybe he still isn't, but the fact Viktor chooses to share a Familiar bond with only him has to mean something. It's significant to K.

"And that's something you can relearn. It's difficult and overwhelming right now, but I don't think it'll always be like this. You need time to acclimate to... being yourself again. And I'll do anything I can to help. Just tell me what you need."

Viktor still had his eyes closed and spoke softly against K's shoulder.

"This is the first time that I've not felt overwhelmed. By the arcane. From emotion. From still being alive. "

Viktor's hands were clinging to the back of K's bathrobe. He might have said that all that he needed was K, but Viktor was aware of how incredibly unfair that would be to K to use him as an emotional crutch. He was right in saying that it would be possible for Viktor to re-learn what emotions went with what reaction. But that would take a lot of time and work. So for the moment, Victor was considering this a temporary reprieve.

"All that I want is you."

It seems only logical to K that they take advantage of the benefits provided by their Familiar bond, part of which is helping to regulate emotions, to calm them, to make sense of them. He wouldn't consider it being an emotional crutch — simply fulfilling his end of their partnership. But Viktor's choice of words is noted, the way he seems to be holding back. K doesn't immediately respond, but instead reaches for the brush again, and starts gently brushing out Viktor's hair now that it feels like a better moment for it. Viktor seems more present.

"You have me," he says in a soft voice. "And if you ever feel that you need something I can provide, please tell me. Let's make the most of you still being alive, hmm? There's still so much to experience together. When you start getting lost in your work and studies and projects again, don't forget that you can have a life outside of that. And that there's someone who'd like to experience it with you."

While it might arguably be a good sign once Viktor falls back into his workaholism, perhaps this time around he can strike a better balance. Who knows how much longer they'll have together. Work will always be there, but people won't be. K knows that all too painfully well.

Viktor wasn't making K's task any easier by continuing to hug him with Viktor's face pressed against the crook where his neck met his shoulder. It's always been a reflexive response from Viktor to say that he needs nothing and no one after a lifetime of people trying to take the cripple's arms and 'help'. It wasn't until the last time that he woke in the hospital that he even admitted to himself he was in need of anything - even more time. Even then, it had cost Viktor's pride something to even admit that much. Now after realizing the scope of the horror that he was consciously unleashing, Viktor didn't think he had any pride left.

"I just... I just need to be close to you."

The chaotic storm of emotion was still there, but he was also clinging on to K, both physically and emotionally because K was helping to soothe Viktor. Being in physical contact with his bonded Familiar filtered out the emotion to only be what was directed at K. In this instance, it was the warmth of sincere gratitude, and though Viktor felt he was damaged, possibly beyond repair, that same bruised love was extended through the bond along with the warm appreciation.

The position may make brushing Viktor's hair a little tricky, but that hardly matters when it's meant as a soothing gesture more than anything, something that K hopes will feel good and that doesn't require anything from Viktor. There are going to be many such gestures made in the coming weeks and months. Maybe in lieu of sleeping, he can play more music for Viktor. Go for more walks together once he feels up to it. Stargazing together; K's always enjoyed it. Perhaps a return to nighttime gardening. He wants to give Viktor as much of a sense of 'normalcy' as possible. A solid foundation from which he can find his footing again, emotionally. The calm in the eye of the storm.

"Then stay with me." In Folkmore. In their apartment. In his arms. In every sense. "You feel like home for me, too," he says as he leans his head against Viktor's. "I want to be wherever you are. I would have gone with you, if I could have."

His anxious concern for Viktor has remained steady in their bond since his return. But as some of K's own worries and uncertainties are soothed by their contact and by Viktor's words, that sense of concern has gradually calmed to a point where it more seamlessly blends with the mutual and intermingling feelings of love throughout their bond.

With that chaotic storm of emotion calmed and held at bay, very much like being in the eye of a hurricane, a touch of Viktor's old humor peeks through as he smiles against K's shoulder, though his eyes still remain closed.

"I don't think you would like it very much if I carried you around on my shoulder, and that's the only way we would never be separated."

Which is only half a joke. After the changes that have happened to Viktor's body, he could probably deadlift a semi-truck.

"...but I've still missed this feeling."

Be it a year or a week, Viktor could still feel that there was something that he had but was now missing. But with the hex core influencing his thoughts, something as vital as emotional regulation would have been something that the hex core tried to remove from his mind, or at the very least tried to make it very difficult to remember.

"I am sorry that you can't mark my skin anymore. I know that you liked the idea of getting to do that."

"You seem to forget I'm an accomplished shapeshifter and mage in my own right." No deadlifting semis level strength required when magic is involved. It's heartening to have a glimmer of Viktor's old humour like that, and it has K smiling too. Though it fades into something more wistful at the reminder of something they can no longer do together. He continues brushing Viktor's hair, glad to have something occupying his hands right now.

"I liked imagining you were only mine," he admits. "Is that bad? Just a silly fantasy, anyway." And maybe not a very healthy one, even if it couldn't actually hurt anyone other than himself — there were certainly never any expectations involved. It's hardly the first time he's ever yearned for something impossible; not dying in his home universe whenever the Fox returns him to it is another prime example.

That actually made Viktor open his eyes with a definite frown.

"I don't understand what you mean by "only yours"? A familiar bond is a lifelong bond that I don't have with anybody else."

Viktor isn't really sure that he would want a bond with anybody else anyway. He had briefly entertained the notion when it was getting harder and harder to try to keep his feelings about K to himself. And surely not all bonds would be as intense as this one was because there wasn't actual care and laughter mixed up with them, right? But after thinking about it, it would be an awfully intimate one and Viktor wasn't sure that would be such a good idea. Now, it certainly wouldn't be. The possibility of the Void magic being able to hurt someone else so intimately made Viktor feel cold.

"As a... romantic partner," he clarifies. "But I am very grateful for our bond, and always will be. I'm grateful to have you in my life in any capacity."

He thought it had been clear from context how he'd meant it, and he feels guilty needing to clarify it even though it had only ever been a harmless fantasy. Monogamy feels taboo for an android like him to want; he's come to understand it's another privilege that only real people are allowed. Even in his home universe his AI companion had wanted to involve a third person in their relationship, while he'd wanted a committed partnership... It occurs to him that even having a bond with only him may not be enough, due to his artificial nature and not being as good as a real person would be. And Viktor deserves to have all of his needs met, be they romantic, sexual, or what a Familiar bond is able to provide him with, even if it requires multiple other people.

"Do you feel you need more Familiar bonds?" he wonders.

Viktor may not be capable of much in the way of facial expression, but he was still frowning as he straightened from lying against K's shoulder to look him in the eye instead.

"No, I don't. I entertained the notion once when it was becoming extremely difficult to keep you from knowing how I felt. I hoped to find a way to take the strain off of your soul that mine would be putting on it, but I thought better of it back then, and it would definitely not be a good idea now. I don't want to be bound to anybody else anyway. Just you. I would think that a lifelong commitment would count as something a little bit more than only a short-term romantic partner."

Viktor did not actually think of the word marriage because to him that was something that only people in Piltover did, and that was often an alliance between wealthy and powerful families. But that level of commitment was accurate to how he felt.

Now K is also frowning, in confusion. Viktor's reasons for not wanting to be bound to more people make sense — but making that comparison between a Familiar bond and what's shared with a romantic partner is where he's a bit lost. The brushing has stopped but he's still keeping one of his hands occupied with Viktor's hair, idly curling it around his fingers.

"I haven't ever felt strained by our bond, to be clear. But I'm not sure I understand the last part. Do you mean that without our bond, you would only consider me a short-term romantic partner? I don't consider our bond or our romantic relationship to be short-term... or at least I hope I can have them longer. For as long as you'll let me. For as long as you want me."

This conversation was becoming something that was lost in translation.

"No, just the opposite. Without our bond, I would consider you a committed lifelong partnership. Although without our bond, it would be more difficult for you to know what I am feeling, I think. You asked me to live with you. You haven't asked me to leave, and I don't want to leave on my own."

Living with each other is a bit more meaningful in a place like Zaun. Mostly because you were showing a lot of trust in a person to let them know where you would eat and sleep, Often sleeping around them.

Fortunately clear communication resolves it easily enough. The relief K feels eases his frowning expression back into a smile, and he lightly strokes the nape of Viktor's neck with his fingers as he says, "Then we feel the same way, Vitya. A lifelong commitment... You really want that with me?"

Sharing a bond hadn't been suggested lightly or rashly. K had given the decision the consideration warranted by a connection that could very well be lifelong, if both partners wished it to be. And he still feels it was the right choice. Though with or without their bond, he wants to be with Viktor. For as long as Viktor will have him.

This also raises several questions that he's never found clear answers to. Such as whether the experiences, memories, and bonds they create here in Folkmore can persist outside of it — for some residents who have left and returned, they claimed to retain no memory of Folkmore while outside of it, while others did. Experiences have always varied depending on the individual, but why? And what's the purpose of achieving their 'full potential' here if they might not even remember doing so afterward? (He's long suspected something similar to Viktor's conclusions, that they're brought here to be Lore batteries for Thirteen and help keep this world in existence.) More importantly:

"When you were in your home universe, did you still feel our bond?"

The gentle fingers against the nape of his neck feel like so much more and K would be able to feel that, when it came to a Familiar bond at least, even the softest touch had intensified. Viktor closed his eyes and shivered.

"I thought it would be a lifelong bond from the start. That was part of why I wanted it. Maybe it's a bit selfish to create a Familiar bond so I would never have to be alone again."

Selfish and dangerous for someone like Viktor, who was so thoroughly corrupted by Void magic. But K said that he understood the risks and accepted them. Though Viktor's neck would move and shift as though it were made of muscle and sinew it felt just like cold metal to the touch. He opened his eyes again, and though it did not show on his face, he couldn't help feeling a spike of shame.

"I couldn't feel my own conscience or realize what I was doing to the people in the commune. The bond is meant to be emotional. It would have been purposely muffled or removed altogether by the hex core, so I can not answer your question."

Edited (formatting fail) 2025-02-06 21:22 (UTC)

It makes a very grim kind of sense that Viktor wouldn't have been able to tell whether or not their bond was still intact there. From what K could surmise from the shared memories, that universe's Mel and Jayce had been unable to shield Viktor from the blast like they were, and then Jayce had given Viktor's body over to the hexcore to keep him alive...

"I don't want to be alone again either." K brushes their lips together in a gentle kiss, trying to ease that feeling of shame. "I'm hoping our bond is lifelong, no matter where we are," he says, explaining his reason for asking. "Do you know whether you retained your memories of this world?"

Though he's hoping for some evidence that what they share here was able to continue existing even when Viktor was ripped back to his universe of origin, it won't surprise him if the hexcore had robbed Viktor of that as well. If it's at all possible to separate Viktor from the hexcore without killing him... it feels imperative that they find a way.

Viktor was still hugging K but he sighed and leaned his forehead against K's too.

"I don't know if my memories were affected. But they must have been to some degree for me to not realize the effects of what I was doing."

At the very end, both Viktor and Jayce had been willing to die to remove the effects of the hex core on the rest of the world, so it may very well have been what killed Viktor to be without. More likely was that cutting off the hex core from being powered by the anomaly under the hex gates diminished its effects on Viktor's mind but he quite literally can't continue living without being fused with it. The hard part then becomes, knowing which part was Victor's and which part was the hex core's magic. Despite not having much in the way of facial expressions, Viktor was still very needy right now and reaching for the comfort of being as close to K as possible, both physically and emotionally.

"So for you, I might not exist outside of this place," K surmises, unable to hide the heavy feeling of unhappiness that accompanies the realisation. It's a very lonely fate to die alone and unmourned, forgotten by everyone he's ever known. He wishes he could change it. But what Viktor has told him and what he's learnt from others makes him worry he can't, and that ultimately his existence will have meant nothing.

It's far from the first existential crisis he's faced, and luckily he has the experience necessary to compartmentalise it in order to focus on the present. Focus on what Viktor needs from him. Because that, at least, he can do something about. His hand not stroking Viktor's neck slips around his narrow waist again, and he pulls Viktor in tighter against him.

He's heard the rumblings about multiversal travel from some residents. And he's aware of Viktor's own prior interest in the subject, and that's partly what prompts his question.

"Do you want to stay in this world?" The 'with me' is unspoken, but the sentiment can nonetheless be felt through their bond. "Do you think it may be possible to stay together even outside of it?"

Viktor kept his eyes closed, leaning against K and letting him hold Viktor upright.

"I just want to stay wherever you are."

Be it in the dimension that Folkmore was in or another one, Viktor cared less about that than needing to stay close to K. But it was possible to travel between dimensions, and it had been proven already to Viktor that he could do it. Well, he could do it eventually. The hard part was learning how he would do that as an old man. The other hard part was finding out how he was supposed to transport another person because Viktor did not want to leave K behind.

"If that means that I stay here in this Nexus world, then I want to do that. But maybe we can find a way to stay together and travel through the Multiverse too."

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